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The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

On Sept. 3, a woman entered a Sam Ritt. department store with her child. On the way in, she noticed a woman with whom she’d had a recent argument. As she left the store, she saw the woman scratching the word “Bitch” into the trunk of her Mercury Grand Marquis with a knife. Because her child was with her, she decided not to fight the woman.

A man was detained by the manager of a King Street grocery store on Sept. 4 when he was noticed shoving two bottles of Olay Dry Skin Lotion down his pants. We here at the City Paper prefer KY Warming Gel.

Blotter Threat O’ The Week: “Fuck you. I’m coming back to rob you and beat you up.”

A West Ashley man noticed his NASCAR collection was missing on Sept. 5. He mentioned that the 500 mini cars may have been pawned by his common law wife of 12 years while he was incarcerated for criminal domestic violence. A call to a pawn shop revealed that a “large quantity of NASCAR” had just come in, but little else.

On Sept. 3, a woman entered a West Ashley grocery store with a large canvas bag, in which she placed four bags of frozen shrimp, worth about $50. She exited the store without paying, and when an employee tried to stop her in the parking lot, the driver of the car she entered put the vehicle in the reverse, hit the store’s employee, and sped off. There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned shrimp and run.