The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

On Nov. 7, a couple was arguing downtown when the woman struck her ex-boyfriend several times with a broomstick. Looks like a certain “witch” was a week late for Halloween.

Blotter Threat O’The Week:
“I want my mattress too. You are not going to [fuck] me. I’ve got something for your [ass].”

Police arrested a man on Nov. 5 at a downtown grocery store after a cop found the following unpaid-for items in the man’s pants pockets: one pack Nyquil Liquicaps, one pack Goody’s Powder, one pack Crystal Sugar Free Sweetener, one can Vienna sausages, one can Red Bull Energy Drink, one can Campbell’s Clam Chowder soup, one pack Top cigarette tobacco, two bottles Michelob Amber Bock beer, and four bottles Walnut Crest Chardonnay wine. My god, what size pants was this guy wearing?

Police arrested a homeless man at a downtown church on Nov. 5 after he attempted to enter a wedding reception uninvited. In a related note, doesn’t life seem better now that Vince Vaughn (The Wedding Crashers) is tapping that Jennifer Aniston ass?

On Nov. 6, a downtown resident heard a man beating on a shed door in his neighbor’s backyard. Then the resident, “like a good neighbor,” lent the man a pry bar. What the resident didn’t know was that the man wasn’t his real neighbor, as the man proceeded to steal several items from the shed, including several high-dollar power tools.