The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

On Nov. 13, the wife of a local pastor received a phone call asking for her husband. When she said he wasn’t available, the caller said he was desperate for someone to talk to and told her his name. “Ronnie is trying to kill me,” he said. “I killed my mother.” When the woman called her husband, he said he didn’t have any parishioners by that name. No Norman Bates in his congregation?

An older man took a box of Fixodent denture adhesive from the shelf of a Meeting Street grocery store and tried to leave the store without paying for it on Nov. 11. Apparently the senior citizen’s discount has been lowered considerably.

Blotter Threat O’ The Week: “I’m being really polite right now, but what I’d really like to do is gouge your eyes out with a knife.”

A woman called the cops on Nov. 11 to report that she’d noticed a large amount of blood on the ground at Hampton Park. An officer found two razors lying on a park bench and a pool of blood nearby. He followed the trail of blood through the park and onto President Street, but found no victim. And another day ended for Detective Useless.

On Nov. 13, a downtown man and his girlfriend got into an argument while sitting in his car. The fight escalated and moved into the front yard, where the woman grabbed two eight-inch flathead screwdrivers and wielded them like knives. Her boyfriend escaped with a three-inch stab wound on his right palm, while the woman probably went back to studying her copy of “Bob Vila’s Ninja Tactics.”