Blotter Threat O’ The Month:

“You’ll be a dead bitch.”

The security auditor of a West Ashley convenience store recently acquired video footage of a female employee scratching lottery tickets without paying for them and exchanging winning tickets for cash. The woman angled the security camera away from her while she did this, but was not aware of the store’s second, hidden camera. Smile! You’re on America’s stupidest criminals!

On Jan. 27, an elderly woman voluntarily let two men into her James Island home who claimed to be starting a new flooring business. They asked to show her some floor samples and didn’t stay long. After the men left, she noticed that seven rings, worth $1,000, were missing from her jewelry box. At least she’s getting some brand new linoleum!

After enjoying some pizza in a West Ashley kids’ fun zone on Jan. 27, a woman returned to her Buick Regal to find the front passenger tire flattened and the hood “keyed.” Where a vandal can be a vandal…

A woman shopping in a West Ashley mall was detained on Jan. 25 when a manager noticed her stuffing clothing into her large handbag. The loot included five pairs of Xhiliration underwear and four Champion sports bras, which makes us wonder if the culprit was Britney Spears.