Odd Theft O’ the Week:

Two white porcelain elephants valued at $600 were stolen off a man’s front porch. Looks like there are no more gnomes to steal.

This week a man reported his money jar was stolen. No word on whether it was shaped like a pig or if it had “Tipping is not a place in China” on the side.

Fashionable Threat O’ the Week:

“It won’t be long before your mom is wearing a black dress to church.”

Police stopped a man last week under suspicion that he was driving drunk. Officers noted the man smelled of alcohol and slurred his speech, though he said twice that he hadn’t been drinking. When a second officer arrived on the scene and asked the same question, the man admitted to having two or three beers, later confessing to five beers. After failing the field sobriety test, the man asked, “Will you be mad at me when my lawyer gets this thrown out? Will it make you look bad as an officer? I’ve been through this before.” Let’s hope your lawyer is better at talking his way out of trouble, Mr. Zero-to-Five.

Saturday afternoon, officers were watching a downtown area notorious for narcotic activity and noticed a man pull up in his car. After a few moments the man drove away and the cops pulled him over. Immediately the man said, “I was not down there buying heroin.” To no one’s surprise, except maybe the man’s, the cops found heroin and cocaine on him.

Odd sighting O’ the week:

A man driving a stolen golf cart downtown on Saturday night.

A West Ashley bar reported a car theft on a recent Saturday afternoon. Employees had spotted a drunk patron in the car, not realizing that the owner, who was still inside the bar, had accidentally left his keys in the car. Man and car disappeared, but police were able to later identify him and the vehicle by a bar employee’s description of scratches all over the man from repeatedly falling into the horseshoe pit.

Weapon O’ the Week:

TV remote

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.