Weapon O’ the Week:

Pink walking stick

A man pulled over for apparent intoxication told the officer he was a college graduate and he could recite the alphabet from A to Z. He made it to O. Thank goodness they didn’t ask him why so many Americans can’t find the U.S. on a map.

Recently, a man tried to steal a gold mouthpiece from a Folly Road shop, telling the couple who owned the shop that he would pay for it later. The husband chased after the man, following him into the middle of the road. His wife was in the process of calling police on her cell phone as she followed them in her car. The alleged thief came up to the car, took her cell phone, and punched her in the face. It was not clear from the report if the woman was also wearing a mouthpiece, but let’s hope for her sake that she was.

Dirty Job O’ the Week:

A man arrested for public drunkenness on Sept. 3, puked in the cop car on the way to the detention center and again in line waiting to be processed. “The responding officer was able to smell a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage coming from both puddles of vomit.” No, we certainly don’t pay these guys enough.

A couple reporting an assault and threats on their lives by a man they referred to as a drug dealer have apparently never seen Fred Thompson on Law and Order, for they were shocked to learn that the police arrest perps who are then prosecuted in court. “We’re not going to testify against him,” they yelled at the officer taking their statements. “We can’t let him know that we called the cops. He’ll kill us.” They then jumped in to their car and drove off.

Salutation O’ the Week:

“You better call next time, or you might get shot.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.