BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A man got caught trying to steal a polo shirt from a department store by stuffing it into a pocket of his cargo shorts. Police searched his other pockets and found unmarked pills containing something brown and powdery.

After getting sloshed at a concert and yelling at bar patrons and later a police officer, a man was arrested for disorderly conduct and placed in the back of a police cruiser. Police saw him trying to unlock the door to the backseat of the cruiser. If only it were that easy.

A FINE DISTINCTION: “I bought a five rock of crack, and it’s just my personal stuff.”

It took a few tries for police to rouse a man who was sitting on a curb with his eyes closed. When he finally came to, an officer asked him if he knew what time it was, to which the man replied, “Game time!” Steeeerike one.

A man started walking quickly away from a parked van when he saw police. The officers stopped him and noticed a spray paint can on the ground, as well as some still-wet black spray paint on the side of the white van. When they asked the man what he had been doing, he said he had planned to pee beside the van, but that he had changed his mind.

ACTIVATE STEALTH MODE: A man dressed in a white shirt and white shorts tried stealing bricks by the wheelbarrow-load from someone’s backyard in the wee hours of the morning, dumping them loudly into the bed of his pickup truck. He also set off the motion-activated floodlights in the yard. He was caught in the act.

When asked why he had waited two days to report his bicycle stolen, a complainant said, “I wanted to see if the bike turned up first.”

During a pat-down search at a traffic stop, a man’s butt cheeks were visibly shaking. The officer asked the man to loosen his glutes, but he refused to unclench until the officer said he would have to do a strip search. The prize inside? A paper bag containing $5 worth of marijuana.

A 19-year-old got busted with a can of Four Loko and three Bud Light tall boys while walking behind the Charleston Police Department Crime Scene Office.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.