Blotter o’ the Week: A woman made the most of Harris Teeter’s VIC program when she used her card, her boyfriend’s card, and her mom’s card in 935 phony purchases that yielded $4,300 in credits to her account.

Someone stole a $1,300 saw from the trunk of a car during the 16 minutes that its rightful owner spent inside of a West Ashley hardware store.

A woman staying with her friend in West Ashley got sick and was taken to the hospital. Meanwhile, a different woman who was staying at the same house spent $92 at Marshall’s and $225 at Kohl’s on her credit card. Surveillance footage also showed her wearing the suspiciously sick woman’s $800 Bulgari sunglasses.

After following a drunk man into an alley, an officer saw him “inexplicably” step into a decorative fountain on Market Street and begin wading through it.

Trying to walk out of a grocery store with two bottles of chardonnay and a bottle of orange soda on a Monday afternoon is what some people were put on this Earth to do.

When two men were asked why they were sitting on the porch of an abandoned North Central property, one of them replied, “I just wanted to get off the street to drink a beer.”

A pizza joint owner in West Ashley has been emptying the cash registers every night after a string of recent thefts. As he was loading up his car, two men stole over $1,300 in cash while the owner was inside unloading a different cash register.

Apparently, it’s still classified as “embezzlement” if you steal $200 from the register at the gas station you work in.

A $3,000 TV was stolen from a James Island family home overnight.

A woman charged $150 to the prepaid bank card she helped set up for her blind friend.

A woman ignored her baby daddy during an argument because her mother taught her “that when someone is arguing with themselves they will eventually shut up.” Sound advice and/or the early planting of Avoidant Personality Disorder.

An HR manager witnessed a couple in a black minivan steal eight empty kegs worth $400 from the back of a downtown French restaurant.

A man was paid $1,100 after claiming that a delivery worker must have replaced the $7,000 Rolex that he shipped out with an electric drill. Ballsy move in a city where the only TV show about the importance of postal inspectors is filmed.