The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between March 2 and March 7. No one described in this section has been found guilty, just unlucky.

BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: One man told police that while riding his moped, an unknown man on the sidewalk whipped out a knife and said, “You’re writing checks you can’t cash, and I’ll cash it for you.” The would-be victim reportedly drew his own knife and said, “Let’s do this.” Life really is an action movie.

While completing a Breathalyzer test, a suspect admitted to having had a “couple of beers at a friend’s place” before hopping behind the wheel. The report did not mention the person weighed 30 pounds, but they blew a .26, so they couldn’t have weighed much more.

A downtown man found himself the victim of the greatest car thief in Charleston, as they made off with his car after he left it in a parking garage with an empty fuel tank. He returned with a gas can and found the car missing.

While breaking up a physical altercation outside of a downtown bar, police used pepper spray and shouted, “Move away.” One of the men involved reportedly ran, which to be fair, is exactly what police told him to do.

Police confronted a man who they said smelled of marijuana. The man explained he was waiting for his cousin to get out of school so they could have a “smoke sesh.” At least they care about education.  

Officers arrested a woman in West Ashley after a routine traffic stop led to the discovery of eight unpaid violations. Crime always catches up to you, even when you’re doing 85 in a 60.

A man reported that an unknown silver truck wouldn’t allow him to merge onto Highway 17 leaving Mount Pleasant, and that the truck sped ahead of his vehicle and brake-checked him. We could fill this entire page with stories of how terrible driving in Charleston is, but we’ll leave it at this.

A woman whose credit card was stolen reported more than $6,000 in fraudulent charges. The biggest charge was $2,376.15 at Conns. Ironic.

One handgun was stolen from a downtown man’s apartment, and another was stolen from a vehicle parked downtown.

A manager at a downtown arts and crafts store reported a suspected theft of a can of paint. They claim a shopper put the paint into their buggy, but when they checked out, it was nowhere to be found. No theft could be seen on security tapes, and the can was not found anywhere else in the store.

Drug dealers may have found a new vehicle of choice in Charleston, as two separate reports of criminal drug possession included a description of a black Hyundai Genesis. Way better choice than the Charger — the Hyundais are turbocharged!