Blotter o’ the Week: An officer on foot patrol along King Street happened upon a young harpist busking after hours. After the woman was informed that it was too late to be playing her harp on a city sidewalk, her intoxicated male companion began swearing at the officer. This verbal backlash struck a chord with the officer who shut down the sidewalk jam session without an encore.

A woman called police after 50 Hydrocodone tablets and 40 other assorted muscle relaxers were stolen from her vehicle overnight. The woman later admitted to police that she had left her car unlocked that evening. It’s a shame she no longer has anything to ease her nerves. 

A young couple were engaged in some heavy petting on a city street early one afternoon. According to an incident report, the female participant was in the process of pulling up her shirt when the couple noticed the officer approaching. The young couple’s afternoon delight came to an immediate end as they received their just desserts. 

A man driving home from a party was stopped after smashing into the back of the car in front of him. When the officer arrived, the man asked if his dad could stay with him before taking 14 unnecessary steps during a field sobriety test and claiming that his asthma (then his Tourette’s) might impair his ability to perform the tasks.  Some things even daddy can’t get you out of.

A man was awoken by an intoxicated stranger who stumbled into his apartment late one evening. When officers responded, they found the trespasser asleep in one of the beds inside the home. When asked where he lived, the trespasser responded “here,” which was not exactly the correct answer. When asked for his date of birth, the man replied “90210,” which is not a specific date of birth, but does date the stranger as a fan of ’90s teen soap operas. 

A cashier at a local grocery store was busted by store security for using coupons from competing businesses to lower the price up items for certain customers who did not have enough money to pay for their food. Thanks to the efforts of this Robin Hood of the produce aisle, the total amount lost was estimated at around $224.

A debit card stolen from an unlocked car overnight registered four unauthorized purchases: three at a Lil Cricket food store amounting to $18 and one $12 order at McDonald’s. We just have one question: What exactly costs $12 at McDonald’s?

A distraught woman stood outside of a popular sushi spot on Daniel Island swearing and screaming at police officers. She said she couldn’t find her boyfriend, but the cops informed her that he had already left in a taxi. After one was called for her too, she resisted getting in by repeatedly yelling “No, fuck you!”

An LPO at a Johns Island pharmacy reviewed security footage and noticed a maintenance staffer stealing up to $100 worth of cigarettes on various occasions. The staffer told an officer that the LPO set him up and that he didn’t know about “any of it.” He was let go due to the length of time between the alleged crimes. Moral of the story: If you get caught, make sure it’s later rather than sooner.

French Quarter residents called the cops after multiple failed attempts at contacting a neighbor known to abuse alcohol. Officers knocked on the door and found the woman alive, just very sad and very drunk due to her dog’s untimely death. She was seen holding the deceased pup on her lap before being checked into the hospital, but not before asking the officer to kindly move the dog to her backyard.