Blotter of the Week: A woman stole $1,500 worth of perfume from a lingerie store. This scentsless crime has got to stop!

Around 2:20 a.m., a police officer found a man pacing around a parking lot and yelling obscenities. When the officer confronted the man, he hid behind a building and then threw rocks at the officer. He was arrested on a charge of disorderly conduct.

A pair of taxi passengers say that when they got into a cab downtown, the driver told them it would cost $8 apiece to drive them home. But when they arrived, the driver demanded $10 from each of them and threw one of the passengers to the ground when he refused. The other passenger offered the driver $25 to defuse the situation, but the driver got back in his car and drove off.

During a traffic stop near the College of Charleston campus, a passenger in a Volvo bolted from the vehicle and led an officer on a chase through the student center and down the street, dropping a bookbag, a skateboard, and several baggies of weed along the way. When the officer caught up with the man and recovered all the stuff he had dropped, he discovered the man had been carrying 121.5 grams of marijuana.

A man tried to use a counterfeit $20 bill at a restaurant drive-thru, but the employee at the window immediately recognized it as a fake. La, la, la la, wait ’til he gets his money right …

The owner of a law firm discovered that one of his attorneys was taking cases and not reporting them to the firm, keeping all the money for himself. We smell a lawsuit cooking.

Somebody lit a couch on fire in a grocery store parking lot.

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: A car stereo, a car DVD stereo, air conditioner knobs, a Verizon MiFi card, a pair of Beats headphones, an iPad, a pair of True Religion jeans, a backpack, two cell phone chargers, a spare car key, two smartphones, four wallets, six debit cards, two credit cards, a Social Security card, four driver’s licenses, a health insurance card, 90 hydrocodone pills, a bottle of antibiotics, $50 worth of clothing store gift cards, a $150 grocery store gift card, $120 in cash, 10 gallons of gasoline, a jigsaw, a nail gun, a Sawzall, a saw, and a drill.

A man discovered 13 rifle rounds in his girlfriend’s yard while picking her up for work.

Police found a man passed out drunk on the steps of a downtown bank. Apparently nobody told him that you can’t camp out for home loans like you camp out for the release of Grand Theft Auto V.

A man who was carrying $1,800 in counterfeit bills told police that he had found the funny money in his yard. He got off the hook for the counterfeits, but he was arrested on two outstanding warrants.

Amateur Bandits o’ the Week: A man walked into a convenience store and stuffed “an unknown quantity of energy bars and SpaghettiOs” in his pockets, according to an incident report. When a store clerk called him out on it, another man grabbed the shoplifter, and the two ran out of the store and drove off in a painting company van with an Ohio license plate.

U.S.A. Patriot o’ the Week: When police woke a man up who was sleeping on the sidewalk and asked how much he had been drinking, he replied, “I don’t know, but I know that I am in American and didn’t not have too that too much to drink.” He was arrested on a charge of public intoxication.

Police received a report that the word “Octo” had been spray-painted on the side of a building. Does this mean Nadya Suleman is in town?

A woman spotted a man walking down the street in broad daylight wearing nothing but a yellow tank top. The man pulled his shirt down over his crotch and told the woman that his friends had stolen his clothes as a prank, but, according to a police report, “she did observe a view of the offender’s penis.”

Crack Confession o’ the Week: “I don’t have no more drugs. I will go get some more later if you let me go.”

Les Misérables Crime o’ the Week: A man told police that he believes his disabled mother’s caregivers stole $12,330 worth of sterling silver flatware from a silver chest in the dining room.

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