BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A woman shoplifted three pairs of boots by hiding them in a baby carriage.

Rage Against the Pony: A woman who was driving behind a horse-drawn carriage honked several times, swerved back and forth, and yelled a few choice words as she passed on the right, spooking the horse and annoying the tourists.

A man shoplifted two bags of frozen shrimp and a chocolate bar from a grocery store. He told officers he was hungry.

After having a few too many drinks at a friend’s house, a woman stole a motorized wheelchair from her handicapped host and rode it down King Street.

An officer asked a man what he was doing leaning against the outside wall of a church, and he said he was “coolin’ out” and “just bein’ down here.”

The Things They Shoplifted: Lingerie, a bottle of laundry detergent, Christmas ornaments, and eight bags of hair weave.

A woman allowed a homeless man to stay on her houseboat for a few nights. When her guest and her laptop computer disappeared in the middle of the night, she called the man’s cell phone. He said that he had taken the computer and accidentally dropped it while riding his moped, and he promised he would replace it when he got a job and some money.

Someone attempted to walk out of a store with two 55-inch flatscreen TVs. When an employee asked him to show a receipt at the door, he gave up, pushed his cart back into the store, and returned the TVs to their shelf.

A man who was driving children to peewee football practice got pulled over for driving in the wrong lane. When the officer saw he only had a learner’s permit and no insurance or registration, he searched the glove compartment and found a ski mask, black gloves, and a pistol.

During a search, an officer found several hundred dollars in a known drug dealer’s pockets and asked what he did for a living, to which the man replied that he did landscaping. When he received a ticket for loitering, he asked for an afternoon court time because he was “not a morning person.” The cop asked him how he could be both a landscaper and a non-morning person, and the man shook his head and walked away.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.