Illustration by Steve Stegelin

Blotter of the Week: A suspect in a surveillance video was described in a police report as wearing “white baklava and a hard hat.” We have no idea what this means, except that maybe someone got carried away at the Greek Festival.


We’ll just quote this one straight from the incident report: Around mid-afternoon on a Sunday, an officer saw a man “standing in the median of Savannah Highway, nude from head to toe, facing north, masturbating with his left hand.”

Somebody stole a tractor from a lot belonging to a landscaping company. Tractors: Sexy. Stealing tractors: Definitely not sexy.

When a police officer stopped a man who was drinking beer on a sidewalk in broad daylight, the man said, “I needed it to wash down the spit because I just had a dip.” Then he added, “I’m going to the library, and I know you can’t have it in there.” The man was cited for an open container violation.