Steve Stegelin


Blotter o’ the week: Police say $25,000-$35,000 worth of merchandise was reported stolen from a downtown optometrist’s office. If we follow the old adage “blind as a bat,” we could assume the offender is Batboy. Let’s get Batman on the case.

One firearm was stolen from a man’s vehicle after he left the rear passenger door open when entering his residence.

One man was busted for marijuana possession when a patrolling officer saw him turn south onto Logan Street, a one-way street that runs south to north. That would have been tough for anyone to get away with.

A “large, incomplete” swastika was observed drawn on a church parking lot in West Ashley. The complainants believe three juveniles who were caught riding a dirt bike in the parking lot are to blame.

A kid was shot with a Roman candle by a group of unidentified juveniles on a downtown street. Police didn’t notice any burn marks on the victim’s shoulder, where he was hit, but he requested EMS. We want to call this an overreaction, but medics should be on stand-by for any Roman candle fight.

Pesos in the amount of $190 were found in a wallet downtown. The wallet had a Greenville driver’s license in it. Just when you think you’ve seen it all, large quantities of foreign currency are just found on the street.

A downtown man’s Jeep Cherokee was stolen after he had left it unlocked with a spare key inside. The victim believes his vehicle was targeted because “the front driver’s door has the illusion of being open even when completely closed.” Don’t overthink it, dude. You left it unlocked with a
key inside.

How angry can someone get when Redbox runs out of copies of Transformers 3? Pretty pissed, apparently. A Redbox screen was destroyed overnight in West Ashley. According to police, the screen looked like it was punched or hit with an object. The total cost of damage is $700.

In a scene that we are all but positive we’ve seen in a cartoon, security footage shows a man entering a building from the front porch and leaving with a stolen flat-screen TV minutes before a worker steps out of the building and onto the front porch for a smoke break. A few seconds after the worker returns to the building, the thief also enters, and exits once more with a bunch of stolen tools.
Aw shoot, you just
missed him.

After a traffic stop for suspected driving under the influence, the driver told officers that he had only consumed “one beer.” Soon after, he stumbled out of the car, blaming the wind and the fact that he was wearing flip flops. What a lightweight.

A downtown bar was pilfered for $1,755.20 worth of alcohol and a cash drawer containing $500. With a whopping total of 53 bottles taken, we get the feeling it wasn’t just one person with big hands.