BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Someone shoplifted four pomegranate sodas, two sushi rolls, and a salad. Because if you’re going to steal groceries, you should steal classy groceries.

After having his vehicle booted for illegal parking, a driver managed to get his car out of the parking lot, taking the boot with him.

The Things They Shoplifted: Three kielbasa sausages, a bag of mozzarella cheese, three cans of sardines, two cans of dip, two packages of chicken strips, body wash, deodorant, and a pharmacy shopping basket.

A woman tried to conceal several bags of pot by hiding them in rolled-up panties inside her purse. When an officer asked permission to search her purse, she told him she would need to remove her intimates from inside. The cop told her to shake the panties out, and out came the weed.

A man got drunk, took his shirt off, and started tampering with people’s cars. When a cop confronted him, he took off on a movie-style foot chase through several backyards and over several fences. He was no Ferris Bueller, though: Police found him curled up hiding in the backseat of a Mercedes.

Cool as a Cucumber: When a man saw a cop getting out of his car, he started digging furiously through his pants pockets and patting himself down. The officer asked permission to search him, and he said, “Yeah, sure, I don’t have anything on me.” Turns out he had a baggie of weed in his boxer shorts. His explanation? “Oh, I forgot I had that on me.”

Counterfeit one- and five-dollar bills are showing up in Charleston. Hardly seems worth the trouble.

Mmmmm … Beer: Someone broke the window on a car, stole a can of beer from the backseat, and ignored a $300 camera that was in the center console.

Leaving the hospital after being treated for huffing too much keyboard cleaner, a man took a taxi to Walmart and bought more keyboard cleaner. He was arrested after failing to pay the cab driver, but you can bet he’ll be dust-free for quite some time.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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