Blotter o’ the week: A man was found sleeping on flattened cardboard boxes under a tree in a wooded lot behind a bus stop. When an officer asked him how much he’d had to drink, he replied, “Not enough, do you want to buy me a drink?”

A man spent all night picking up drugs with an escort he found online. She later abandoned him in the parking lot of a downtown hotel after he called 911 because he was afraid of overdosing on the possibly-laced cocaine.

“I go to the store to get cigarettes and you call the police on me?” asked one man who was arrested soon after.

Someone busted the back window of a parked car and stole the MacBook lying in plain view in the back seat.

A woman was driving when she heard a weird noise coming from her car. She got out to find that someone had punctured both of her rear tires and written “BITCH” on the trunk.

This week in Victoria’s Secret thefts: Three women walked into the store. Employees didn’t notice anyone take anything, but the sensor alarm went off when one of the women walked out. The other two ran after her. Empty hangers were strewn around, and a manager estimated that she was missing eight sweatshirts and 10 joggers. Total value: $779.10.

Two men stole 14 cases of beer from a downtown convenience store.

Officers wrote that a man was suspected of having “spit salvia” on a woman’s right shoulder, in which case he has a very marketable gift.

Someone broke into a West Ashley family home and stole a $1,400 Apple desktop, a box containing $3,000 worth of jewelry, an $800 TV, a $900 knife, and three U.S. passports, among other things. No suspects were identified.

A man has been harassing his old college buddy from at least three different Facebook accounts. In the latest message, he threatened a “throw down” that has been “25 years in the making.”

A man was walking north on America Street when someone jumped out of the bushes near the intersection of Stuart Street, pulled out a gun, and told him, “Give me everything in your pockets. I ain’t gonna hurt you. I have kids to feed.” The bush thief walked away with $340 in cash and a $550 Gucci belt.