Blotter o’ the Week: Police were called regarding a man who was “growling and threatening people with a hockey stick.” He was later found wielding the hockey stick in a public park. Suggested aliases for this nighttime terror include Wayne Re-Gretzky, Bobby h’Orr-ible Judgement, and Gordie Howe-could-you-be-so-stupid.

A man began to remove his clothes after refusing to leave a downtown bar late one evening. After attempting to put his arm around the officer as he was led out of the bar, the man was asked where he lived. He informed the officer that he was from “the U.S.,” but then became increasingly agitated, telling the officer that the police had no idea what the man had been through. The man eventually fell asleep on the way to police headquarters, but woke up in time to vomit.

A man believes that an unknown suspect went to the dealership where he purchased his vehicle and had a duplicate key made for the car. Why would someone go to such lengths to break into the car? To steal a brand-new package of underwear valued at $12.

A drunk driver was spotted swerving across the road before being stopped by police. When asked if she was impaired in any way, the driver pointed to her driver’s side mirror and told police, “I just knocked that out with the traffic cones over there, so that might be why I swerved.” Inside the woman’s vehicle, police found a drug that she could only identify as a “sweet tart.”

A suitcase filled with 30 pounds of copper piping was discovered behind a doctor’s office.

A shoplifter said she randomly picked out items as she went through a store with the intention of selling them for cash. She was found with three power drills, a fishing reel, an outdoor grill, one heater, and two virtual reality headsets.

Two women found a stranger standing in their kitchen late one evening. After they shouted at him to leave immediately, the man said he was just looking for his dog and fled.

Store security caught a suspected shoplifter who stated that she had been taking crack cocaine, but the woman insisted that the drugs were prescribed to her by a doctor. She then called her dog a “lying SOB” and said she was “aching for a breaking,” according to an incident report. She will likely not call her dog to testify on her behalf.

A young man’s stellar fashion sense proved to be his undoing one evening. Dressed in an all-white fedora and suit inside of a bar late one evening, the man was recognized by an officer who had seen the underage man removed from another bar the night before.

A man managed to snatch a bottle of peppermint schnapps from a closed cabinet at a bar. He was able to gulp down a few minty sips before being spotted by staff.

A man’s scooter was stolen as he watched movies on his cellphone using the Wi-Fi at a fast-food restaurant.

Police were called regarding a hotel guest found urinating on another guest’s door. When officers arrived, the man was standing in the hotel lobby wearing only a T-shirt and his underwear. The man was heavily intoxicated and told police that he had locked himself out of his room. He became increasingly loud and confrontational while speaking with officers, and when asked to stop swearing, the man simply replied, “I don’t give a shit.” He was eventually delivered back to his room, where his fiance — and dry pants — were waiting.

Two half-gallons of vodka and whiskey were stolen from the vehicle of a hotel guest.

A man and his family got a taste of Charleston hospitality while walking to dinner when a passerby randomly reached out and gave him a “nipple twister,” as it was described in an incident report. It is unclear if these were his actual words or the official nomenclature of the Charleston police.