BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Somebody shot a two-foot-long arrow through a living room window. The victim is at a Legolas for words.

An officer pulled a car over after watching a man in the passenger seat take a hit from a glass pipe. When the officer went to the window, he smelled freshly burnt marijuana and freshly sprayed cologne. Nice try, dudes.

When a police officer attempted to explain the city’s noise ordinances to two rowdy college boys on the sidewalk around 2 a.m., the young men interrupted and “began to scream their side of the story,” according to an incident report. They were given tickets for loud and unnecessary noise.

After a security guard watched a man shoplift four packages of chicken, a bottle of bleach, and an energy drink, the man tried to convince the guard that he had paid for the items but left his receipt at home.

Stolen from Vehicles This Week: A pack of birth control pills, three handsaws, at least 11 chisels, a construction helmet, a drawing compass, drafting triangles, something called a “repeatagraph,” a USB drive, an Ed Hardy wallet, two debit cards, $535 in cash, $150 worth of gift cards, 12 CDs, two briefcases, a laptop computer, a $300 watch, 48 bottles of liquor, a license plate, five herpes treatment pills, insurance and registration cards, a GPS unit, an SD card, 10 keys, four speakers, three amplifiers, two televisions, and a dog hunting cage.

Rock Star o’ the Week: When a cop pulled a man over for reckless driving, he found a crack rock and an ice pick inside the vehicle.

When police arrived on a downtown street where residents had heard gunshots around 3 a.m., they found four .45-caliber shell casings and a trail of blood drops on the sidewalk. Police determined that the blood drops might have actually been unrelated. Rough night in Charleston.

A moving company is accused of stealing a gray, extra-large American Revolution war reenactment uniform. Prepare the tar and feathers.

Somebody scratched the words “HOE ASS” on the side of a man’s car.

A shoplifter attempted to steal two packs of pens and a bottle of wine from a drug store. A regular Charles Bukowski, this guy.

Creature of Habit o’ the Week: A man described as a vagrant was found bathing in the fountain at Marion Square. He told police he was doing it because it was his “ritual.”

A man who was described as a regular at a bar ran up a tab of $72.31 one night and then walked out without paying. The problem with the place where everybody knows your name: Everybody knows when you dine and ditch.

A man who was clinging to a telephone pole for balance told police that he had cirrhosis of the liver and that he had been drinking all morning.

A man who was resisting arrest managed to run 10 yards after an officer tased him in the chest and arm. First down!

Somehow, a cashier didn’t notice that a man was shoplifting $500 worth of power tools in his shopping cart while paying for a $1 pack of candy at the register. Talk about missing the forest for the treats.

Disgruntled Ex-Employee o’ the Week: A former employee at a downtown restaurant came in for a drink and then left a note on a corkboard indicating that one of the current employees has AIDS.

Somebody stole a $40,000 watercolor painting from a downtown house. The thief is in for a brush with justice pretty soon.