Steve Stegelin

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Blotter o’ the week: While attempting to stop a fleeing shoplifter, a grocery store loss-prevention officer tore the suspect’s shopping bag, revealing the stolen items as a speaker, an ornament, and a ham. Somebody needs to explain to this person that it is still April, and Christmas is a long way away.

An officer stumbled across a man sitting next to an empty can of Icehouse Edge while patrolling Downtown. The can was still cool, so the man was issued an open container citation. Hey, these can’t all be winners, okay?

While patrolling downtown, an officer saw about 10 men in a circle throwing dice in front of an abandoned property with money on the ground. The officer thought it was the perfect opportunity to speak with the group and educate them about social distancing, which went about as well as one would expect.

A dispute in three acts: Police received three different calls about an incident at a West Ashley apartment complex. The first said that a man was hitting a scooter with a baseball bat, the second informed them that two men were fighting, and the third said a man was bleeding and needed EMS.

A couple of people found themselves on the wrong side of what we can only assume was a serial window smasher when an unknown man threw a fire extinguisher through their car’s back windshield while they were in downtown traffic. After they pulled into a nearby parking lot, the same man then smashed their passenger-side window with a wooden board.

Officers found a small blue box labeled “Goodys” in a man’s car after a traffic stop due to an out taillight. Inside was about 5.3 grams of marijuana, which isn’t so bad. But, in the center console they found $1,100 worth of heroin and $1,300 of cocaine, which isn’t so great.

Nearly $60,000 in “Microsoft Workbooks” was stolen from a man on Charleston Regional Parkway. We’re going to need an Excel spreadsheet to figure out why these are worth that much.

A trailer was stolen from a woman after she parked it between two dumpsters in West Ashley. Are we sure this is theft and not just a misunderstanding? Leaving something around dumpsters is the universal way of saying, “I don’t want this anymore, you take it.”

At a downtown bus stop, a CARTA driver noticed a man who had been banned from the shuttle service attempt to enter the vehicle. In response, the driver shut the bus door on the man. In retaliation, the man broke a window with a quick punch, which helps explain why he was banned in the first place.

Marijuana “shake,” the remnants of weed, was found on the driver’s side floorboard of a vehicle. We didn’t know what “shake” was either, and it kind of hurts to know we’re not as hip as we used to be.

Four guns were stolen from vehicles. The twist is that one of the guns was in a vehicle that was being stolen as well.