BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Attempting to hide his drugs from the police, a man swallowed some cocaine and marijuana. When police warned him of the dangers of swallowing narcotics, he said, “It was just a little bit.”

Someone ransacked a car and broke off some sort of an object in the ignition. The whole operation was a nonstarter.

The Things They Shoplifted: Six pairs of socks, four bottles of motor oil, five bags of potato chips, four 24-oz. cans of beer, and a $45 ring.

While on the run from the police, a man tripped and threw a baggie containing $3,300 worth of cocaine into a storm drain. Unfortunately for him, the bag floated, and since heavy rains had raised the water level, police were able to snag it without much trouble.

Somebody stole a woman’s prenatal vitamins from her house.

After being discharged from the hospital for drunkenness, a man repeatedly called police to tell them he was sick and wanted to go to jail. After the third call, the cops finally arrested him for drunk and disorderly conduct.

A shirtless man in cargo shorts with a white rag covering his face walked in the open front door of a house and stared at a woman on the couch inside, holding up what looked like a gun under another rag. When the woman’s boyfriend came in the room, the mystery man pulled the rag off his face and said he had only been joking.

DUI Bar Tab o’ the Week: Three-quarters of a 16-oz. bourbon and Coke. The driver wasn’t sure how much of it was bourbon and how much of it was Coke.

A man somehow managed to crash his moped into a car parked under a carport in a stranger’s driveway. After the collision, he had a hard time starting his moped, and when the owner of the car came out to say she was calling the police, he ran away, pushing his ride in front of him.

A barely clever shoplifter asked a gas station attendant for two cartons of cigarettes, carried them to the doorway as if to show them to someone in his car, and then made a run for the car and sped away.

When police arrived on a bridge and found a man hunched over on a bicycle and leaning on the side barrier, they asked him what he was doing. He replied, “Just napping.”

The Blotter is taken from Charleston Police Department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.