Blotter o’ the Week:At the end of a five-day crack and meth binge, a woman got in a fight with police officers at a convenience store, barricaded herself in a supply closet, and came out swinging a broom handle at the cops. An officer took her down with a taser and arrested her on a disorderly conduct charge.

A man walking down the street with blood on his hand told police he did not realize he had shattered a restaurant window.

Police wrote an open-container ticket for a man who was getting wasted away again in Straw-Ber-Ritaville … in the middle of Marion Square, at about 10:30 a.m.

Stolen From Homes This Week: A MacBook Pro, a $3,200 pair of earrings, a $2,000 emerald and diamond necklace, and four antique chairs.

Good Samaritan o’ the Week: A man was walking home from work when he saw a woman standing naked on a bridge, preparing to jump off. The man ran up and grabbed the woman, holding her still until police arrived.

After being asked to leave a bus stop where he was loitering, a man returned to the bus stop and was confronted by police. While he was talking to an officer, the man threw a crack pipe on the ground and said, “Damn, I’m dumb, man. That’s my pipe. Can you give me a break, man, or a ticket?” The officer gave the man neither a break nor a ticket, opting instead to cart him off to jail.

Somebody stole the money from an offering bag during a church’s 75th-anniversary party.

Shoplifting Haul o’ the Week: A pack of T-shirts and 10 sticks of deodorant.

Grocery store employees say a man managed to sneak out of the store with several containers of deli meat without getting caught. Apparently encouraged by his initial success, the man returned an hour later to steal two packages of ribs. But by then, the staff had realized the meat was missing, reviewed surveillance footage, and spotted the meat thief on the premises. When an employee tried to stop him, he dropped the meat and ran.

A man walked up to a woman in a grocery store and asked her to read a sign on a shelf for him. While she was squinting at the fine print, the man stole her wallet out of her purse, which was in her shopping cart.

Less than 24 hours after being released from jail, a man was arrested for peeing on a bush in a public park.

After getting in a fight at a bar, a man walked out to his truck, rolled down the window, and pointed a handgun into a crowd of people standing in the parking lot while yelling “Fuck you” over and over again.

Polite Drunk o’ the Week: After stumbling down the street and leaning on a cop car for balance, a man apologized to police for drinking too much and said, “I’m new at this.” The cops arrested him on a public intoxication charge, and he threw up several times in the backseat of the police cruiser and apologized again for drinking too much.

Street Nickname o’ the Week: “Guillotine”

A man walked into an eye doctor’s office, traded out his old prescription glasses for a pair of sample frames with false lenses, and walked out while wearing them. Hindsight, it seems, is not always 20/20.

A man tried to use a counterfeit $50 bill to buy a Bud Ice and a stick of beef jerky at a convenience store.

A woman told police she invited three friends over to her house to make pizza. When they left, she discovered that two of her rings were missing from the kitchen counter. She thinks one of her friends stole them.