BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A library patron started cursing and yelling at a slow computer. When someone asked him to calm down, the patron punched the man in the face and knocked him out, getting blood on the carpet.

A man told an officer he wasn’t sure if the white rock he had picked up off the street and stashed in his breast pocket was crack cocaine or a hunk of sheet rock.

When police asked a man why he was lying on his kitchen floor bleeding profusely from his cheek, forehead, shoulder, and back, he said, “I ain’t sure. I just got punched and fell on the floor.” His cousin told police they had been in a small fight but everyone was OK.

A homeowner reported that someone had stolen the “Yard of the Month” sign from her yard. Turf wars gettin’ ugly in the ‘burbs.

Someone broke into a man’s car and stole his Acer laptop, only to leave it on the ground 100 yards away. Apparently the burglar was a Mac snob.

AT LEAST HE ASKED: A man approached a woman in front of her house and asked if she would give him one of the bikes locked to a nearby rack. She said no and told him they all belonged to people. Later that night, one of the bikes disappeared.

When an officer found two tank tops and a pair of jorts stuffed in a woman’s purse with the tags still on, he asked her if she had shoplifted. She said she couldn’t be sure because she had taken a Xanax earlier in the day.

Txt Msg Thrt O’ The Week: “I’m goin to get someone to get u, u will see go run an tell that.”

After they had both had a few drinks, a man got in an argument with his girlfriend and chopped her in the throat. When she started crying, he attempted to kiss and make up, and she bit his tongue.

An officer saw a man sleeping on the sidewalk and asked him to move along. Ten minutes later, the officer saw him sprawled out farther down the sidewalk and arrested him for disorderly conduct

Physically Impossible Alibi O’ The Week: “I’m not here. I’m just coming to get my stuff.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.