Steve Stegelin

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The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between May 11 and May 17. No one described in this section has been found guilty, just unlucky.

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Blotter o' the week: A downtown man who had been caught with an open can of beer tucked away in a paper bag told an officer that he had just been released from the hospital and his doctor recommended he drink a beer immediately. Well, doctor's orders, officer.

When questioned about an aluminum can protruding from a brown paper bag, one downtown man told officers the Bud Ice wasn't his "anymore."

After being led on a wild goose chase that ended at a downtown apartment complex, one officer noticed a headless stuffed dog fixed to the rear windshield of a Land Rover owned by one of the parties in question. The officer noted that this didn't damage the vehicle in any way, "but it was a bit concerning." What an understatement.

One handgun was stolen from an unlocked vehicle on Cedarhurst Avenue.

During a traffic stop after catching a whiff of marijuana from the offender's car, an officer found a bag of weed which had been stuffed into a grape soda can with soda still inside. Someone give this guy a detective's badge; his talents are clearly being wasted.

Allow us to set the scene: You're on a downtown sidewalk with a buddy. There's a brown paper bag on a ledge within your reach. Curiosity gets the best of you, and you pick up the bag and look inside. At that precise moment, a police cruiser rolls up, and you have a bag of cocaine in your hands. What unfortunate timing.

"It's not my first and it won't be my last," one woman told an officer in reference to having multiple DUIs. Honesty is always the best policy, especially when being stopped by the police downtown for another DUI.

Two pairs of Ray-Ban sunglasses, each costing about $250, were stolen from the owner's vehicle. This lesson is a right of passage for living in Charleston — not about locking your doors or leaving valuables in your car, but about spending more than $6 on a pair of sunglasses.

After returning to her downtown home from Florida, a woman found that a package she ordered was missing from her residence. The package, containing a textbook, was supposed to arrive five days before she got home on May 12. If it's been sitting on the porch for up to five days, do finders-keepers rules apply?

A shotgun and handgun with a suppressor went missing from a man's downtown dwelling between May 10 and 11. Although he suspected one of his housemates may have taken the weapons, he didn't report them missing until May 12 because he wanted to give them the chance to return them. Also he didn't want to risk upsetting them now that they are possibly armed. You must have a pretty frosty relationship with your roommates if you can't just ask.

Downtown, a patrolling officer noticed a woman standing in an entryway drinking a foamy amber liquid out of a "Big Gulp" cup. When asked what was in it, the suspect stated it was orange juice. The juice was, in fact, not loose and she was arrested.