Blotter of the Week: A woman left her four children unattended in a Chuck E. Cheese’s while she left to go shopping.

Police encountered a man who was bent over at the waist staring at vomit on his shoes and shirt along with what is described as “a pile of vomit” on the ground. The man was downtown and said he was planning to walk to a friend’s party in Mt. Pleasant. Needless to say, he did not make it to Mt. Pleasant. He was arrested on a charge of public drunkenness.

After leaving her car parked in a spot designated for expectant mothers all day while she was at work, a woman returned to her vehicle and discovered that someone seemed to have poured sugar into her gas tank.

When a man was asked what he was drinking out of a foam cup he said, “I’m trying to get sober. It’s Coke.” The officer asked, “Am I going to smell Coke in this cup?” to which the man replied, “No sir, it’s beer.” Next time just say it’s O’Doul’s.

Economic Recovery Indicator o’ the Week: In two separate incidents at two different bars, men were accused of throwing their drinks at other people. In one case, a man threw his cocktail glass and cut a man’s lip open; in another, a man threw a can of PBR and gave a man a cut on his nose and a fat lip. Apparently we as a society are now wealthy enough that we can afford to use perfectly good booze as a weapon.

A hit and run took place outside of a bakery. The victim tried not to be cross, but it made him feel pretty sourdough.

Somebody broke into a fenced-in business parking lot, drove around doing donuts, and then stole a jumper cable from the back of an unlocked work van.

A little birdie told police that somebody stole a golf cart from a construction site.

Grown-Ass Man o’ the Week: During an argument over who was next in line to get into a nightclub, one man punched another man twice in the head and then walked away with his hands raised above his head, according to the victim.

During a high-stakes fishing tournament, somebody crept onto a boat and snipped the lines on the frontrunners’ fishing rods with a rusty metal object.

Somebody stole two air conditioning units from outside of a strip mall. Not cool.

Stolen From Homes This Week: Two laptop computers, a smartphone, a flip phone, a set of keys, an iPad, and four Rolex watches

When police asked a man what was inside a plastic bag in the driver’s seat of his car, he replied, “It’s probably a bag of cocaine.” It really was.

An officer pulled a man over on suspicion of driving under the influence and asked him where he was coming from. His response? “Not here.”

A man was seen trying to forcibly pull away a bicycle that was locked to a parking sign, pulling on the sign itself, and then kicking the bike. When a cop asked him why he was kicking the bicycle, he said, “Because it was Jesus’s bike and it needed to be kicked.” At some point during the ordeal, he also peed his pants.

Shoplifting Haul o’ the Week: Three pairs of pants, a package of frozen shrimp, two cans of pork and beans, two cans of collards, a package of baby wipes, a package of diapers, a watermelon, three cans of baby food, two ribeye steaks, and two yellow bell peppers, all hidden in a purse and the bottom part of a shopping cart. Total value: $151.

Somebody jacked up a parked car and stole one of the tires. Police arrived on the scene and noticed that, for some reason, there was a puddle on the ground nearby that smelled like bleach.

A grocery store employee caught a man trying to steal two racks of ribs by hiding them in his shirt. Mr. Pig Ribs made a run for it and actually got away with several pounds of pork pressed against his chest.