Illustration by Steve Stegelin

Blotter of the week: A downtown woman filed a report with police after having received an empty cardboard box in place of a phone she believes to have ordered from the Apple store. She said this has happened multiple times, leading us to wonder why she hasn’t just bought an Android instead.

RUNNERS UP

Police approached at least nine different people drinking various brands of beers from brown paper bags, begging the question as to whether the paper bag tactic does more harm than good for our public drinkers.

A bizarre drug-related escapade was discovered when the group’s “fool-proof” communications were intercepted. The ingenious, untraceable communications? Paper airplanes, penned with instructions for making various narcotic oils.

Police made small talk with a Johns Island man outside of a small corner store eating from a bag of chips. Later, the store owner called to say the man they had spoken to was in fact the suspect in the shoplifting they had been there to investigate. Whoops.