BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A man picked up $60,000 worth of used computer equipment from a hospital, claiming he had a contract to recycle it, and took it home. At last, he had acquired all the necessary parts to build a technologically outdated evil robot.

Upon being confronted by a store employee for shoplifting clothes in the front of his pants, a man said, “I don’t have ID, but I’ve got a gun.” The employee left him alone after that, and he drove away on an electric scooter.

The Things They Shoplifted: A pack of cigarettes, two six-packs of beer, a canned energy drink, a pair of pajama bottoms, underwear, socks, an $80 black dress, and an electric drill set.

When a man realized he had been spotted by police drinking a beer on the sidewalk, he chugged the rest of it and threw the can in the grass. He told the officers, “What? It was just a beer. I threw it away out of respect.” He was arrested and charged with an open-container violation — and littering.

An officer walked up on a man and woman in the side yard of an abandoned house and saw that the man’s pants were down. The woman spoke up first and said, “We wasn’t doing nothing!”

A man was arrested on a charge of driving a moped under the influence of alcohol. What do you drive once your moped license is revoked?

After getting a citation for panhandling because he had asked a uniformed cop for money, a man had a revelation: “I asked the wrong dude.”

In the heat of a lovers’ quarrel in a car, a woman threw an open bottle of soda at her boyfriend. He got mad and threw it back at her but missed, damaging the front windshield — further proof that bottling your anger is never healthy.

A woman claimed that her ex-boyfriend had torn the hubcaps off her car, bent the license plate, and broken a side mirror. The scorned beau denied the story but couldn’t explain the blood on his hands and pants legs. You could say he was caught red-handed.

Daughters o’ the Year: Two women got busted attempting to shoplift clothing from a department store by concealing it in a bag in a child’s stroller. They later explained that they were doing some last-minute Mother’s Day shopping.

Police stopped a man who was just about to urinate in public, and the man gave the officer permission to search “everything but my left hand,” which was visibly holding a chunk of crack cocaine.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.