Blotter o’ the Week: Police were called after an intoxicated woman bit a man and kicked him in the groin after he attempted to break up a fight between her and another woman. No word on whether the feral female fighter was tested for rabies, but that guy may want to get himself checked out just in case.
A shoplifter was easily spotted after he returned to a department store wearing the exact same clothing he wore during his previous criminal outing to the business. Among the items the suspect is suspected of stealing are four televisions, four blenders, and a clothing steamer. If only he had stolen another outfit, he may have escaped the notice of store security.
A woman called police for assistance in disposing of a cannonball. The family heirloom had been deactivated two or three years ago, the woman said, but she was no longer comfortable with having the item in her home. Later that day, a bomb technician arrived at her doorstep and took custody of the cannonball.
A man sitting near the Market was listening to loud “spoken word” records when an officer approached and informed him that he was creating a noise violation. At this point, the young man grabbed his guitar and began to perform an angry ballad for the officer. The crooner clearly wasn’t into love songs, and according to an incident report, he became increasingly irate and verbally abusive to the officer.
A young woman spent two hours at a bar, ordering drinks and food, before finally deciding to skip out without paying her bill. Although the woman made a speedy escape, she left behind one very important item: her driver’s license.
A woman returned to her vehicle to find that someone had written “That bitch hoe” on the side of the car in pink spray paint. On the windshield was a card that included the message “I don’t know what kind of lies he told you, but he my man, nasty hoe. I’m about that life.”
A man suspects that his noisy neighbor vandalized his car and urinated on the front door of his apartment after the man complained to their landlord about the incessant loud music.
Officers searching through a man’s backpack discovered a variety of treats geared toward those with a bit more than a sweet tooth. In his possession were four separate bags of peach-, strawberry-, lemon-, and mixed fruit-flavored gummy bears laced with THC.
A woman rented a hotel room with a male friend of hers for the evening. At one point in the night, the man suddenly exited the bathroom and told the woman he needed to leave immediately. Approximately 45 minutes later, another woman burst into the room in search of her boyfriend. Following a scuffle that involved the women throwing pizza and chicken wings at one another, the uninvited guest finally left the scene.
An intoxicated driver was asked by officers why his speech was slurred. The man responded by saying, “That’s just the way I am,” by which he must have meant drunk.
A hidden surveillance camera being used in a police investigation was stolen.
A man was sitting on the sidewalk enjoying a beer when an officer approached and asked him to hand over the can. As the man went to pass the beer to the officer, he casually assured him, “There’s nothing but a sip in there, man.”
A man was mowing the grass outside a grocery store when he found a derringer sitting by a shrub.
In yet another recent discovery, a man was walking along a downtown street one evening when he spotted a loaded black revolver sitting on the sidewalk. It seems you can’t go anywhere in this city without literally tripping over a handgun.