Drunk Quote O’ The Week: “If you’re arresting me because I gave you the finger, that’s freedom of speech and I’ll make your life miserable.”

Preparing to perform the heel-to-toe walk during a roadside sobriety test, a DUI suspect asked the officer, “Can people even stand like this when they aren’t drunk?”

Items Stolen This Week: Five bikes and a GPS unit. Someone also stole an iPod, but the victim told police that he needed a new one anyway.

A bartender called police when he noticed a familiar patron who had walked out on at least two earlier bar tabs. The man was allowed to leave the bar upon resolving the bill, but was arrested for drunkenness shortly after. The suspect told police that he owned a particular downtown bar, as well as a different upscale restaurant, but police noted he’s notorious for making up stories. He also said he was a lawyer and a professional tennis player. Well, that would certainly explain any volatility.

The principal at a suburban middle school called police after he heard “through the grapevine” that a particular student had drugs. No word on whether the grapevine was Facebook or Twitter. We’ll guess it was the comment thread on a student’s Bieber fan blog.

Quote O’ The Week: “Let me tell you, I don’t smoke crack, but a guy gave it to me ’cause he told me I could use it to get a trick from a prostitute.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.