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The Blotter is taken from Charleston Police Department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A woman and her ex-boyfriend pressed charges against each other after police responded to a simple assault. The woman pressed charges because she said the man pushed her. The man pressed charges because he said the woman threw meats and cheese at him.

An officer noticed an individual with a brown paper bag and an aluminum can peeking out of it. The officer “predicated upon nine years of law enforcement experience, knows brown paper bags are commonly utilized to conceal alcoholic beverages in the Upper King Street corridor,” according to the report.

A bag of “suspected cocaine tested positive for cocaine,” according to a police report.

Police dictionary: “Welfare checks” are cop-talk for an in-person update on the health and wellbeing of an individual.

A man that identifies as a woman, according to police, brought a Red Bull and cigarettes to the counter at a gas station. When asked to pay, she handed the cashier $1 and began to walk away. The employee stated, “Sir, you have to pay for those,” to which the woman replied, “Don’t call me a ‘he'” before exiting.

A woman pulled into a West Ashley parking lot and parked. Immediately afterwards, she said, a group of “10-20” people congregated around a car and began to kick and beat the vehicle. The driver was not harmed.

A drunk man at a West Ashley grocery store told police that he was in Jacksonville, Fla. Upon learning of his actual location, he realized that he lived just a few blocks away (in Charleston, S.C.)

An offender dragged several mopeds out of a parking lot because they’re not as heavy as a car.

While waiting in a transport van for EMS to arrive to sedate a man who was panicking after being arrested, the offender was “screaming, attempting to remove his handcuffs, and disrobing.” This whole thing was precipitated by the offender supposedly walking out on a $33 bar tab.

A downtown store owner contacted police to complain about the marijuana usage of the tenant upstairs. According to the manager, “when residents in the apartment smoke marijuana, it seeps through the floor or through the vent, then soaks into the clothing that is for sale.” The business is spending a lot on dry cleaning.