The Blotter is taken from Charleston Police Department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

Blotter o’ the week: A woman entered a West Ashley gas station and began eating several food items from the store without paying. When an employee told her that he was calling the police, she told him that she wasn’t done eating.

Every 10-year-old’s dream was lived when a resident discovered a backpack with two Airsoft guns and a copy of Grand Theft Auto on their property. The items were turned over to CPD evidence.

Police responded to a parking lot in West Ashley after hearing that a man was showing people the bag of heroin he had. He fled the scene when police arrived, only to be found shortly after passed out in his car. EMS transported him to to St. Francis hospital for further evaluation.

A man asked a hardware store attendant if he was familiar with the Emanuel shooting. He wrote on a receipt, “Church shooting, Ezekiel chapter 9, stop at the word, Sanctuary.” The employee alerted police to get a general information report.

After a heated verbal exchange between a man and his son-in-law, the son exited their house only to return a few minutes later with a full can of gasoline. He proceeded to pour it on his father-in-law. He left (again), only to return (again) to throw kitchen objects around the house. Police arrived shortly after.

“I don’t know how they let me leave the bar like this,” said a drunk motorist, who clearly can’t take responsibility for their actions.

Upon seeing an officer approach him, a man threw his open alcohol container on the ground. Although the officer already saw the drink, he threw his coat on top of it to hide it. Out of sight, out of mind?

A key ring was stolen from an unlocked vehicle. Good news: there were 40 keys on the ring, so the likelihood of the thief figuring out which key goes where is pretty slim.

A shotgun was found hidden in a bush near a construction site. The weapon was not loaded, but was “completely corroded.” The handle was broken off and the serial number was illegible.

A Smith & Wesson folding knife and Blistex lip balm were confiscated by police after an aggravated assault. It’s good to see the police getting lip balm off the street.

In a move that will surprise maybe three people, a man in a pickup truck threw a sports drink bottle at another motorist in a road rage incident.

Police met with a City of Charleston representative about a possible embezzlement case. The complainant stated that unauthorized transactions for gas by a now-resigned city employee have happened since June 2019. The approximate value of the unauthorized purchases is $2,600.

A “probable cause search” was conducted in a vehicle. The evidence for probable cause? The offender stated there was marijuana in his car.

A woman informed police that she was receiving unwanted texts from her boyfriend’s sister. The latest text? “I’m a grown ass woman who don’t play on ppl phone.”