BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A man was arrested after picking a fight with a bouncer and failing to pay for 28 vodka drinks and eight energy drinks at a bar. When he got to the prison and the staff strip-searched him for drugs, a police incident report states that he “began to dance and swing his genitalia wildly” at the guards.

After getting arrested for repeatedly punching her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend in a bar, a woman started kicking the cage and sides of the police cruiser that took her away. The car won the fight.

Bong o’ the Week:A man fashioned a marijuana smoking device out of a pen and a plastic bottle.

Confession o’ the Week: When police spotted a man carrying an open bottle of fortified wine in a paper bag, he blurted out, “I did something very, very, really, really stupid!”

While police were questioning a grocery store employee who was accused of going through unlocked cars in the parking lot, the employee reached into his shoe and pulled out a bevy of pills, including 25 lorazepam, one amlodipine besylate, three amphet salts, 10 alprazolam, and one escitalopram oxalate.

At a late-night driving checkpoint, police caught a whiff of alcohol fumes coming out of a man’s open car window and asked him to get out of the vehicle. Turns out he was driving with a suspended license and a blood alcohol content more than twice the legal limit. The clincher, though, was the open bottle of beer in the driver’s side cup holder.

Someone broke into a house and stole a plasma TV, a DVD player, and a microwave oven — because you just can’t watch movies on a stolen TV without a little stolen-microwave popcorn.

Vague Reason for a Police Stop o’ the Week: Cops stopped a man on the street after seeing him “appear to put something in his backside,” according to an incident report. They checked his ID, found out he had a family court warrant, and arrested him.

Police detained a man who was slobbering drunk (literally) who called an officer a racial epithet. EMS took the man to the hospital to get treatment for his intoxication, and the officer followed the ambulance there and placed a citation for disorderly conduct in the man’s breast pocket.

Police stopped a man after watching him hang out in front of a barber shop with known drug dealers for 30 minutes and then cuss at a passing car. They asked the man what he’d been doing at the barber shop, and he said he was getting a haircut. The man was totally bald and had an untrimmed beard.

After drinking in a truck on the way home from the PGA Tournament, two men stepped out of their vehicle in front of a fire station and got in a fight with each other.

Stolen Item o’ the Week: A $7,000 wristwatch with an alligator leather band.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.