Blotter o’ the Week: A Target loss prevention manager noticed a woman walking hastily through the store and shoving merchandise in a diaper bag, giving a whole new meaning to “getting away with shit.”

An Eastside woman was charged with six counts of damage to real property after tagging a bank with the words “Kill Capitalism, Kill Cops,” a church and a house with “Kill Cops,” a house with an anarchy symbol, a house with an inexplicable “Fuck HM,” and, for variation, a house with “Fuck Cops.” She now probably means that more than ever.

An angry customer pushed a $700 printer off a desk at a loan agency.

A man “continued to yell and flail his hands in an aggressive manner” when he was detained for public urination.

A helicopter and a drone set were stolen from a TJ Maxx. We then used them to take aerial shots of the snowstorm for our website.

A woman came home to find that her ex had slashed one of her tires as well as her $500 couch set. Jill Johnston would be rolling in her grave if she found out women still dealt with this.

Stolen from cars: $120 in cash, a handgun case and two magazines, four debit and credit cards, a gun.

“Suck my dick” and “fat fucking bitch” were two of the phrases directed at officers and hotel employees when they confronted a man who was sitting on the grass, drinking from a vodka bottle, and “yelling for no apparent reason.”

A note reading “THANKS FOR PARKING 3 FUCKING INCHES FROM MY CAR, ASSHOLE” came with a courtesy keying that led from the driver’s side door to the tail light. Hallmark could never.

A middle-aged man stole a Keurig machine from a West Ashley department store. He was presumably driven to this point by the morning lines at Starbucks.

A downtown waiter cost a restaurant at least $37 by charging customers for drinks, voiding the bills with his employee discount, and shoving the cash in his pocket without consideration for the camera facing the cash register.

Emergency responders chemically sedated a man who told officers he’d drunk an “ass amount of beer” before asking them to “get your Tasers ready!”

When stopped for speeding, a man handed an officer a cup of juice with weed in it and said, “just take it.”

This week in justifying public urination: “I know it’s against the rules, I have a weak bladder!”