DUI QUOTE O’ THE WEEK: “Well, I was going home, but the green goblins in other vehicles were waving at me, and I thought they were going to a party, so I decided to follow them.”

A taxi driver flagged down a police officer over a fight that was going on in his cab. One of his passengers had a bloody nose; the other claimed that his seat partner had made racial slurs about him. Moral of the story: The only thing worse than a backseat driver is a backseat racist.

Jackpot: A doctor discovered that his car had been stolen from his driveway. The thief may or may not have known that the doctor kept two blank prescription pads from his office in the vehicle.

A man turned over a paper bag full of K-2, Spice, and other recently outlawed convenience-store cannabis knockoff drugs to a police investigator. Because there’s no lamer way to get arrested than a fake-pot bust.

Revenge of the Nerd: Someone has been sending e-mails to a former high school classmate accusing him of being a bully and demanding that he pay the sender $5,000. No threats have been made, but the e-mailer has accused the alleged bully of “being a clown, a bottom feeder, and being responsible for bringing down society.”

The Things They Shoplifted: A Roomba vacuum cleaner, two pairs of jeans, and a bottle of contact solution.

A man kept driving after a cop turned on his blue lights, making four turns before rolling to a stop. Then, as the officer approached his car, the man took off up King Street, breaking the speed limit and eventually crashing into a telephone poll and trapping himself in the vehicle. He was hiding a gram of weed.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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