Illustration by Steve Stegelin

Blotter of the Week: A West Ashley man told officers that God placed a particular apartment complex there for him, as he was his son. Police reportedly reminded him that he was not actually a resident of the complex and was trespassing, to which the man replied he was actually a police officer and that he “rules the world.”

Runners Up

Police found excessive amounts of methamphetamine and heroin in a downtown woman’s car. She told officers that a man in an alleyway had given it all to her for free because she was “cute.” The fact that police put the word “cute” in quotation marks is telling.

A downtown man reported his trailer stolen, and was greatly concerned about the contents, especially the large duffel bag full of Christmas decorations. We don’t want to jump the gun on anything, but we want to be the first ones to report it if this turns out to be the Grinch. 

A West Ashley man reported his daughter had found a set of keys stolen from a nearby corner store. When police asked him how he knew the keys were stolen, and what they belonged to, he replied, “How do you know you are standing here right now?” This really doesn’t seem like the time for philosophical debate.

A Mount Pleasant girl, after having locked her mother out of her home, reportedly exposed her breasts to responding police officers, shouting, “How do you like that?” Police then requested she “place her breasts back in her shirt.” Not the response she was probably hoping for.