BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Someone went into the women’s restroom at a public library and lit a roll of toilet paper on fire.

A couple says they were making out in a restaurant parking lot when two men walked up and robbed them at gunpoint.

Easy Confession o’ the Week: As a police officer was walking into a convenience store, the cashier got his attention and indicated that a man was shoplifting. The cop approached the man and said, “Sir,” and immediately the man put his hands on a wall, spread his legs, and said, “I know, I’m guilty.”

A cop responded to a call about a man assaulting people and getting away on a bicycle. When confronted, the bicyclist told the officer “that he was fighting with a party over crack cocaine, and he was on his way to buy a beer,” according to an incident report.

Somebody got into the electrician’s room at a school and stole a tool bag, a leather belt and tool pouch, an 18-volt battery, an electric hammer/drill combo, a torque drill, two hammers, a level, and a hacksaw. The owner was hacked off.

Police found a man’s weed stash in the inner liner of his baseball cap. That’s what you call a seventh-inning spliff.

A woman was walking out to her car when a man drove up in a truck and pulled a gun on her. She pulled out her phone to call 911, and he sped off. The woman told police that she and the gunman “previously had a beef in reference to 13 grams of crack that he believed she stole from his girlfriend’s house,” according to an incident report.

A woman met a man through an online dating service and let him stay at her house. A day after arriving, the man disappeared abruptly, as did a bag from her closet containing $20,000 worth of jewelry.

When asked if she would submit to a DUI test, a woman said, “I will not not take the test.” Contrary to her double-negative, she did not take the test.

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: A watch, an iPod, a pair of sunglasses, a pair of Crocs, an electric drill set, screwdrivers, pliers, levels, a tape measure, a hammer, 50 Klonopin pills, 50 Propranalol pills, a purse, an ID card, a credit card, a debit card, and a paycheck for $553.43.

After discovering that someone had broken into his vehicle and stolen some of his possessions, a man looked on the floorboard and found a keychain that did not belong to him with two keys, several discount cards, a gym membership card, and a mini flashlight.

A man who was hiding behind a trash can on someone else’s property said that he was being chased by “a group of people” and that he had taken a hit of ecstasy and didn’t know where he was.

Man Who Knew Too Little o’ the Week: While being arrested on a charge of public intoxication, a man told the officer, “I am Agent Spivy, with authorization from Agent Thirty, and I am deep cover Charleston County Sheriff’s Department.” When asked for credentials, he pulled out a driver’s license. His name was not Spivy.

After an officer pulled a man over for driving straight through a right turn lane and told him why he had been pulled over, the man said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.” The cop asked for his license and registration, and the man stared straight ahead as a female passenger looked for the documents. The officer asked a second time, and the man said, “OK, she’ll find it.” The woman finally handed the officer a fishing license.

A man who was caught shoplifting a case of beer from a grocery store told police that he had intended to get caught so he could “go to jail and get a meal.”

After pulling a woman over for driving with an expired tag and then learning that she did not have a license, an officer asked her if it was her first or second driving under suspension violation. She replied, “No, I’m gonna be like seventh.”

Adult Baby o’ the Week: Police found a drunk man sleeping in the fetal position beside a horse stable.

While being questioned about a traffic collision, a woman who smelled like booze swayed on her feet, refused to sit down, and “began to use the 1,000-yard stare on the officer,” according to a police report. After police cuffed her, the woman said, “Have you ever been to Iraq?” and “I served my fucking country; I guess that means nothing to people.”

On the Fourth of July, a woman tried to shoplift two packs of pork chops and a rack of baby back ribs by zipping them up in her purse.