BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: When police asked a suspected shoplifter if he had anything in his pockets, he said, “Yeah, a gun.” Actually, it was a stolen turkey-and-cheese sandwich.

Keep ‘Em Guessing: A woman who was seen storming down the sidewalk at 5 a.m. yelling racist remarks at no one in particular told an officer she was headed to a friend’s house. When the officer asked where her friend’s house was, she said Folly Beach. Then Rutledge Avenue. Then Moncks Corner.

Someone stole four 22-inch wheel rims that were being stored on a screen porch. Easy pickin’s.

In a liquor law sting, officers sent a 19-year-old into a store to buy a six-pack of Bud Light. The sales clerk asked to see her ID, which clearly showed she was under 21, and sold it to her anyway.

cowboy saloon Threat O’ The Week: “I know where you drink, and I’m going to kick your ass.”

An officer on patrol saw a man squatting bare-cheeked behind an apartment building and wiping his butt with a paper towel. When the officer asked him what he was doing, he said, “I was going pee.”

A woman heard gunshots near her home but thought they were coming from her TV. She did notice a bullet-sized hole in one of her lawn chairs shortly afterward, but thought nothing of it. Several weeks later, she noticed a bullet was lodged in the wall of a shed in her back yard.

A man described by police as “seemingly in his underwear” almost stumbled straight into a police cruiser. Officers smelled booze on him and asked him if he knew where he was. The man, staring directly at a street sign, said he did not know.

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE … As an officer approached two women leaving a Wal-Mart, one said to the other, “I told you not to steal anything.”

Meta-Crime: Someone stole an XBox 360 with a copy of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas inside of it.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.