BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK:A woman was stashing her marijuana in a baby food jar and smoking it with a Hello Kitty pipe. We can only assume she was storing all of this in a Puff the Magic Dragon bookbag.

A man who was found lying face-up on the sidewalk with an open beer at his feet told police that he believed he was on James Island. According to the officer, “It was not until approximately 15 minutes later that the offender realized that he was [in] downtown Charleston.”

Cigarthreat o’ the Week: “I’m going to smoke you.”

Marijuana Stash o’ the Week: In a mason jar on top of a dresser in plain sight.

A shoplifter tried to steal four pairs of boxer shorts by putting them all on in a dressing room. Bet that one required a debriefing back at the police station.

Somebody stole a $17,000 Jeep from a car dealership. The manager initially thought another dealership had taken it off the lot to show a potential buyer.

Smooth Getaway o’ the Week: A shoplifter left a dollar store through the emergency exit, setting off an alarm.

A woman got busted for DUI in the drive-thru line at a fast-food joint. She had ordered $40 worth of grub and was having such an ordeal finding her money that a restaurant employee called the cops.

Huffer o’ the Week: A man was passed out behind the wheel of a rental moving van at an intersection. Turns out he had been inhaling from a can of air duster while driving.

While being tested for a DUI, a man declared that the officer must have “been bored tonight” to have pulled him over. As it turned out, the man was drunk.

After police spotted her smoking weed in an apartment complex breezeway, a woman made a run for it, ducked into a neighboring apartment, and tried to hide in a closet behind a bag of clothes. The person who lived in the apartment invited the officers inside and showed them the way to her closet.

The Things They Shoplifted: Two packs of undershirts, one pack of socks, a box of allergy medicine, a bottle of eye drops, an octopus-shaped ring, a GPS unit, a digital camera, and a $118 denim skirt.

Hasty Evidence Disposal o’ the Week: After a cop car drove by him, a man on the sidewalk said, “Oh shit,” and tried to chug the contents of an open bottle of Mad Dog.

Beatles Song Reference o’ the Week: After getting caught with LSD in his car, a man felt compelled to inform police that the street name for the drug is “Lucy.”

Sassy Drunk o’ the Week: When asked about the open beer cans scattered around him near the door to an auditorium, a man told police, “I don’t know. What do you think?”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.