Blotter o’ the Week: Police found a rude hotel guest waiting in his room after staff requested that he be removed from the building. During his conversation with police, the man complained about former Gov. Nikki Haley, telling police that she was coming to kill him. The man also dialed his room phone several times while speaking with police and told them that he was recording their conversation.

A woman was able to track her stolen SUV using the vehicle’s GPS system. Unfortunately, her eye in the sky wasn’t exact enough to lead authorities to the vehicle.

Police and emergency medical crews responded to a public park to find a man lying on a nearby sidewalk who claimed he was unable to stand. Once medical crews began to approach the man with a stretcher, he “immediately popped up” on his feet. Following what seems like a miracle, the man then refused to leave the park and began yelling at officers, according to an incident report.

A local woman discovered that almost $1,000 had been charged to her name at a New Jersey department store. An incident report also noted that someone at Disneyland had run up a $700 bill on her credit card account in December. The sad fact is that someone is living this woman’s best life at her expense.

A man was found spray-painting his bicycle against the exterior wall of a department store. Unable to explain to store staff how he planned to clean the fresh paint off the outside of the store, the man then sped off on his bicycle.

A man who skipped out on his $14 dinner bill was tracked to the motel next door to the restaurant and asked to pay for his meal. The man’s credit card was declined, but he promised that his girlfriend would return later that evening to pay his bill. The man was never seen again.

A man told police that his ex-girlfriend has been harassing him online and sending threatening texts. The man claims that his ex even went so far as to place an obituary notice for him in his hometown newspaper, which caused his family a great deal of concern. The news of his death was greatly exaggerated.

A night of drinking sent a man into an existential crisis. He was found screaming outside of a bar downtown, asking, “Why am I here?” He also promised officers that he would show them the “best flashlight” they had ever seen.

Wet bandits found themselves home alone as they slipped into a vacant apartment. The building’s owners later reported finding three burned-out light switches and said that the criminals had left the bathroom water running, which caused water damage to the carpet and floors.

An employee at a pizza place was alone in the restaurant when two friends of his entered and ordered a fresh pie. The employee claims that while he was slicing up their order, he turned around and found the two men attempting to open the company safe, which was located on the floor behind the front counter. After handing off the pizza to the two gentlemen, the employee says one of the men then grabbed the business’s tip jar as they left. Checking his car later, the employee says he also noticed that his cigarettes and cash were missing from the vehicle.

At least 11 car batteries are believed to have been stolen from an auto parts store. Hopefully, store owners will be able to see both the positive and negative sides of the situation, and the thieves will be charged.