Blotter o’ the Week: While a man was trimming the branches on a tree, a limb fell on a nearby vehicle and smashed the windshield. Fortunately, the trimmer was a good citizen, and he didn’t make like a tree and leave.

As police started walking toward a car, a woman in the passenger seat stepped out and threw some weed under the vehicle. At least she didn’t throw the driver under the bus.

Someone put a bullet in a man’s rental car. Here’s hoping he paid for the rental insurance.

A man who had been stabbed twice in the leg told police he had no idea who stabbed him. He said he was drinking all day at a club and didn’t know what happened.

Tattle Tale o’ the Week: After getting pulled over for running a red light, a driver pointed at his two passengers and said, “They told me to go through it.” Oh, and he was driving with a suspended license.

A woman suspected that her stepdaughter was stealing clothing from her house. The woman’s suspicion was confirmed when she saw pictures of the stepdaughter wearing her clothes on Facebook.

Somebody stole a debit card and used it to spend $54.87 at a convenience store, $54.25 on a cell phone bill, and $2.60 at a Red Box. Gotta pay those bills.

Weird Threat o’ the Week: “I could squish you with one hand.”

A shirtless man stumbled around Marion Square at night and argued with people for no apparent reason. When asked how much he had been drinking, he replied, “A lot.”

The Things They Shoplifted: Two iPad boomboxes, a $40 gold watch, 16 packages of batteries, four children’s T-shirts, a four-pack of organic apple juice, four ladies’ razors, a sippy cup, a pacifier, an organic yogurt smoothie, and a two-pack of baby food.

Honest Driver o’ the Week: A man who drove his car into the marsh was asked by police if the shots of whiskey and tequila he had taken earlier that evening might have affected his driving. His reply: “Yep, it was the alcohol.”

An officer noticed the words “FUCK U” were written on the back of a drunk driver’s head with a black marker. The driver mumbled something about the type of friends he has.

Wakeup Call o’ the Week: Police found a man sleeping in some bushes. In the incident report, they note, “The Offender was disoriented and laying in his vomit. The Offender was covered in dirt and grass … The Offender could not stand on his feet without leaning on the reporting officer’s police car.”

A man broke into the storage room behind a gas station and stole five cases of soda, a case of water, and a case of Gatorade. The suspect is described as one thirsty, thirsty dude.

Police saw a man brandishing a gun in a nightclub parking lot and told him to freeze, but he ran away and tried to hide in a pickup truck bed at a nearby car dealership. When the cops caught up to him, he said, “I know all about guns and bullets! You could’ve shot me!”

Two women got in a tussle at an apartment pool, and one ended up throwing the other into the water. Police heard a witness saying, “That’s messed up. Why did you do that?”

A man got caught driving with a suspended driver’s license for a second time because he forgot to turn on his headlights at night. Nice move, genius.

Someone stole 60 children’s DVDs from an unlocked vehicle.