Insane Overreaction o’ the Week: An ice cream truck driver was selling ice cream to some neighborhood kids when a man stormed out of his house, pointed a 9mm pistol at her, and shouted, “There is no fucking soliciting in this neighborhood.” The driver and the kids fled around the corner, and the man with the gun later surrendered to police and said he had made a dumb mistake.

Police found a crack pipe tucked in a man’s sock. Because there’s nothing like a little foot fungus to season your street opiates.

When an officer asked for identification from a man on the sidewalk who was falling-down drunk, the man first attempted to set his lit cigarette on a nearby slanted windowsill, but the cigarette rolled off onto the ground. He leaned over, picked the cigarette up, and put it back on the windowsill, where it promptly rolled to the ground again. The officer told him to leave the cigarette alone and get his ID, at which point the man rummaged through his pockets for a little bit and then stared blankly at the officer. He was arrested on a charge of public intoxication.

Worst Shoplifter o’ the Week: While waiting to have his car serviced at a Walmart auto center, a man went into the store and stuffed several electronic items into a plastic bag, then returned to the auto center lobby and continued waiting on his car. He was arrested when he tried to leave the store without paying for the items.

Police arrested a man on an out-of-town warrant after they spotted him walking in circles in a gas station parking lot around 1 a.m. Sounds like the makings of a scene from Naked Lunch.

While doing maintenance work at an apartment complex, a worker found a plastic baggie containing four .22 LR bullets, one .17 mag bullet, and one 9mm bullet.

Nightlife Quote o’ the Week: While his friend was being given a ticket for disorderly conduct, a man got in an officer’s face and yelled, “You need to listen to me! He’s my friend! I wanna talk to you! I’m a captain in the Army!”

Police responded to a report of a man crawling on his knees in the middle of Meeting and Broad streets. When they arrived, they found the man on the sidewalk pulling on the door handle of a vehicle that did not belong to him. When asked how much he had had to drink that night, the man replied, “I don’t know, how much do you think I had tonight? Because I was not drinking.”

An employee at a yacht sales company shooed off some boys who were picking sweetgrass on the property. Shortly afterward, according to a surveillance video, the boys stole a golf cart and drove it away.

After getting caught urinating on a College of Charleston emergency call box, a man turned toward the officer who had spotted him and said, “Sorry, dude.”

A man who had apparently urinated and defecated in his pants was found face-down on the ground with a laceration to his forehead. The man told police that he “had too much to drink.”

Craigslist Crime o’ the Week: After listing his iPhone for sale on Craigslist, a man arranged to meet a potential buyer in a parking lot. While the buyer was looking at the phone, he said he needed to get something out of his vehicle, then hopped in his car with the phone in hand and sped off.

Drug Bust Pretense o’ the Week: A cop pulled a driver over for what he described in an incident report as an “obstructed windshield” because there were three air fresheners and an employee ID card hanging from the rearview. When the officer asked the driver if there were any drugs in the vehicle, the man replied, “Possibly.” He had 53 grams of weed and 11 glass pipes in the car.

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: A stethoscope, a leather briefcase, two portable DVD players, a two-way radio, a GPS unit, an iPhone, a motorcycle tag, 90 Adderall pills, and 100 children’s DVDs.

After getting reports of a man jumping on vehicles in traffic at night, police caught up with the offender outside a bar and arrested him. Once he was placed in the back of a police cruiser, the man got verbally abusive and told the officers in the front seat, “You’re all gonna be pickin’ cotton, boy. Go ask yo grandmas about it, I know they liked it.” (The offender, it turns out, was black.) He then asked “under whose authority” he was being charged, and when an officer told him, “The City of Charleston,” he replied, “I do not accept that.”

A dollar store manager stopped a shoplifter as he was walking out the door, and when the man stopped, several boxes of soap fell out of his undershirt. So much for a squeaky-clean getaway.

An underage kid was caught walking down the street with a bag containing eight 4 Lokos. Public service announcement: Regardless of your age, 32 Lokos is too many Lokos.

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