BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Someone used an ice pick to punch holes in a baseball coach’s car tires. The coach suspects that the culprit is either a player he kicked off the team or a parent of a child who didn’t make the cut. Little League is cutthroat these days.

A woman who had been driving erratically and refused to take a sobriety test told an officer she was from “Charleston, Ala., 29443 — wait, 24443 — I mean 29149.”

Two armed muggers stole a man’s debit card and had the foresight to ask him for the PIN. The victim had the presence of mind to give them the wrong PIN.

A gas station attendant told police that a man had kicked in the glass front door to the business. The man, who was still on the scene, told officers that he had only tried to open the door with his foot, since he doesn’t touch gas station doors.

Somebody stole a Wii, a wireless router, a cable modem, and three bottles of vodka from a woman’s house. Mario party!

Hulk-Out o’ the Week: Two construction workers got in an argument about a ceiling. After nearly being pushed over a porch railing, one of the men threatened to call the police, and his co-worker picked him up and slammed him on the pavement, “like a wrestler,” he says.

A woman told police that men were living in her attic and that their poop was running down the walls into her first-floor bathroom. She also said the bathroom mirror was double-sided and that the men were using it to spy on her, and she showed officers a piano that her niece would climb into when she wanted to teleport to the attic.

Police found a man lying in a ditch with steam rising from a fresh urine stain on his pants. He said he had drunk a case of beer.

When police pulled over a driver who had turned without using a signal, she said she was headed to the store to buy some cheese. Actually, she had just been out buying $20 worth of crack cocaine.

Marijuana Stashes o’ the Week: In the sunglasses holder above a driver’s seat and in a folded-up $5 bill.

A man asked his ex for $10. She gave him a $20 bill and asked for $10 back. He took the $20 and left. She called the police to report a theft of $10.

A man who had been spotted trespassing jumped off of his bike and took off on foot, shoving a crack rock in his mouth for safekeeping as he ran. Officers were able to catch him after he tripped on his own pants.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.