BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A known panhandler asked a cop if he could have 50 cents. The cop explained to the man that it is illegal to solicit charitable donations without a permit. The gentleman responded, “Hey man, I want to go to jail. It’s too fucking hot outside.” The officer obliged.

In an attempt to kill them with kindness, a man charged with public intoxication responded to every single one of the officers’ questions with, “Have a nice day.” No word on how the officers’ day went, but the man was arrested, likely ruining his.

Asked if he had been drinking, a man said, “Yeah, about two quarters of beer.” 50 Cent was unavailable for comment.

Insult to Injury ID O’ the Week: “That hippie-looking motherfucker in the ugly red shirt.”

Responding to a noise complaint, officers knocked on a house’s window after receiving no response at the front door. The owner of the house cracked the window and shouted, “It’s a fucking Saturday night. Chill the fuck out.” Heeding the man’s advice, the officer took a deep breath, relaxed, and wrote the man an expensive citation.

Told he was under arrest, an offender worried, “Oh shit, I hope I don’t get a white judge.”

Pulled over on suspicion of driving under the influence, a woman was asked what time she started drinking. She said around nine. Asked what time she had her last drink, she said seven. Asked what time she thought it was, she said five. Apparently she was drunkenly driving Doc Brown’s DeLorean.

Dale Earnhardt Threat O’ the Week: “You see that silver Camry parked over there? I’ll crash us into it and kill you.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.