Disorderly Comment O’ The Week: “I’m allowed to yell at people. There is nothing wrong with that.”

Talk about burying the lead. We were 25 lines into a loitering report when we got to this description: “It should be noted that the suspect was also wearing a blue, red, and white face mask.”

What a girl never wants to hear: “The bulge then fell down the suspect’s right pants leg and out onto the ground.”

Stolen Items This Week: Three bikes, two iPods, two GPS units, and a laptop.

Quote O’ The Week: “It’s not like I was disturbing the public that much! You guys just scared me when you used your police lights!”

Two men suspected of public intoxication gave incoherent answers to most questions, but admitted that they had been drinking. According to the police report, “Their speak was slurred and they were unsteady on their feet.” It appears the suspects weren’t the only ones with slurred “speak.”

It never ends well when a suspect begins her rant with “I don’t have to do anything because you are pretending to be a cop.”

A man who refused to leave a downtown gas station smelled like booze. Unprompted, he told officers, “Yeah, I’ve been drinking, but you didn’t catch me.” Well, if they catch you on a disorderly conduct charge, you’re still getting locked up.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.