Stickup Getup o’ the Week: A man robbed a bank at gunpoint while wearing a white hazmat suit, orange safety vest, and dust mask. Must’ve been handling some toxic assets.

A man threw a brick through a car window and stole a flamingo-pink iPhone before running to his getaway car.

While he was being questioned by police about shoplifting from a department store, a man decided to clear his chest and announce that he had smoked marijuana earlier in the day. He did not receive any drug charges.

Scam o’ the Week: Two people posing as representatives from Publishers Clearing House called a 74-year-old woman and told her she had won the Grand Prize, but said they couldn’t give the prize to her until she paid the taxes on it. The woman complied and wired the strangers $855.

A woman says she was walking home one night when a man ran up to her and asked, “Do you have the time?” She told him it was 10:55 p.m., and as she kept walking, the man kept following her. Finally, as she arrived at her house, the man grabbed her buttocks and ran away.

After getting thrown out of a bar for spitting on and threatening to kill a bar employee, a man reportedly stood out on the sidewalk and shouted, “Fuck you and this city!” Right back at ya, bud.

A man who was caught riding a stolen motorcycle told police he had bought it from a man named Ziggy for $1,200. He also said he did not have a key for the motorcycle and had to start it using a knife. He was arrested on a charge of possession of a stolen vehicle.

Nightlife Quote o’ the Week: “He hit me in the face with a piece of pizza. It made me mad, and I punched him in the face.”

A man is accused of credit card fraud for repeatedly ordering delivery from Thai, sandwich, and steak restaurants and then calling his credit card company to cancel the transactions. The total amount that he bilked the restaurants out of is $2,182.62, including a single bill of $657.03 from the steakhouse.

Jackass o’ the Week: Witnesses say a man was stumbling out to his car when two of his female friends chased him down and told him he was too drunk to drive. One of the women ended up slapping him in the face and taking his keys. The man then called police and told them he had been assaulted and robbed, and he asked for EMS to take him to the hospital. At the hospital, the man threatened bodily harm toward the staff and told one officer he would find the officer on Facebook, have sex with his wife and children, and “terrorize your fucking ass.” After being arrested for threatening a public official, the man spat in an officer’s face.

Police responded to a report of a fight in a parking lot and found a man standing there with blood on his hands. When they asked the man about the blood, he replied that it was somebody else’s blood and repeatedly said, “Fucking blacks weren’t going to get away with beating on a white boy.” The cops arrested the man on a disorderly conduct charge when he refused to shut up.

Police saw a topless man get thrown out of a nightclub onto the sidewalk, where he stumbled around while trying to put his shirt back on. When the cops asked the man where he was staying, he replied, “The Hilton?” but could not give them a room number. Then he confessed that he wasn’t really sure he was staying at the Hilton and added, “I’m really messed up.” He was arrested on a charge of public intoxication.

Police found a gram of weed in a vehicle’s change tray. That’s the wrong kind of dime for that compartment.

A man who identified himself as a lawyer and a member of a prominent family walked out of a bar one evening to find his car being towed. After attempting to stop the driver of the tow truck, he stood in front of the tow truck as it pulled out of the parking lot and later claimed that the truck hit him. A witness says that lawyer-man actually leaned into the truck in order to get hit by it.

Stolen From Homes This Week: A subwoofer, a plasma TV, a Call of Duty Edition XBox, a 26-inch TV, a laptop computer, a .45-caliber handgun, 80 morphine tablets, 119 oxycodone tablets, 60 Ritalin tablets, a diamond pendant on a silver chain, a gold necklace, two sapphire and gold rings, a diamond and gold cocktail ring, a birthstone pendant on a gold chain, and 14 sterling silver cordial liqueur sipping cups.

Somebody hacked into a company phone system and used it to make unauthorized international calls, charging just over $2,000 to the company’s phone bill.