Blotter o’ the Week: A man was playing video games in his bedroom when he noticed a man in a white hat peeking through his half-closed bedroom door masturbating. The man asked if the stranger was there visiting his roommate, to which he replied, “No, I am here for you,” before fleeing the building.

Police met up with campus security one evening regarding an act of vandalism on campus. According to an incident report, the man was spotted repeatedly punching a blue car. The car’s owner reported that he discovered his vehicle covered in trash, with dents along the passenger side door. When asked by an officer why he had attacked the vehicle, he told police that he thought it was his car, adding that he had been drinking and was “a little trashed.”

A collision center opened up shop to find that all 21 vehicles parked behind the business were unlocked and appeared to have been tampered with.

A NASA employee lost her purple handbag during the eclipse. Hopefully, won’t have to wait until 2024 to see it again.

Two men attempted to remove a parking boot from a stranger’s car using a large rock. These Stone Age vigilantes eventually realized the error of their ways and ran off into the night.

A man was removing his eclipse glasses from his pocket when he accidentally dropped a $20 bill. A nearby woman picked up the $20 and was immediately accused by the man of attempting to steal his money. After calling the woman by a few offensive names, she pointed her finger at the man and replied, “You will not call me a bitch.” The man then proceeded to call police, claiming he had been poked in the eye. EMS soon responded and were able to determine that the man had not been touched.

Police responded to calls regarding a man vandalizing property. Upon arrival, an officer met the man who stated, “I’m racist,” while spouting several slurs. In addition to his verbal escapades, the man painted swastikas and “Satan is love” along the condos where he lives.

A woman called police after seeing another woman repeatedly trip and fall to the ground while out walking her dog one evening. Police met with the distressed dog-walker, who was covered in dried blood all over her face, arms, and legs. According to an incident report, the woman repeatedly attempted to bite her dog while speaking with officers and she was taken into custody.

Showing the downside of modern advancements in portable gaming systems, a man returned to his car to find that his Nintendo Switch had been stolen. Sadly, it was game over for this gentleman.

Two women began fighting after one of them allegedly threw a pitcher of bleach into the other woman’s car.

After downing two shots of cinnamon-flavored whiskey, a man entered a fast-food restaurant and began cussing and shouting at all the other customers. They were clearly not “Lovin’ it.”

Officers found a heavily damaged car that had been driven almost 100 yards down a dock at a yacht harbor. The driver told police that she came out to “take a break” following an argument with her husband. When asked if she had been drinking, the woman replied, “Oh yes, I have.” Although she had caused an estimated $5,000 worth of damage to the dock, the woman remained unsure how she got there.

A man was issued a citation for illegally selling eclipse glasses to passing vehicles. Unfortunately for the man, police were unwilling to turn a blind eye to his side business.

After trying to convince officers that she had different forms of insurance for her car and driver’s license, an intoxicated driver began speaking about school, saying, “One of our teachers just quit and that’s kinda what I need to graduate.” After being taken into custody, the driver accused the officer of storing marijuana in the backseat of the patrol car.