Blotter o’ the Week: A Wednesday afternoon stroll in the park turned ugly when two men got into a physical altercation, mirroring the one between their dogs a few minutes earlier.

A man was clocking in at work when a stranger came in and grabbed him by his jacket with both hands, just below his chin. Can we just establish right now that you’re not allowed to make that move unless you’re an actor in a production important enough to have at least two cameras filming you?

A driver caused $6,000 worth of damage when he confused the gas pedal for the brake before racing through the gate of a residential complex on James Island.

A man walked into a downtown discount store and stole a bottle of laundry detergent, a bottle of Mountain Dew, and some Valentine’s Day candy. Or, you know, the essentials.

In an oddly hopeful turn of events, an intimidating Facebook message reading, “…if I find you or your child been around my son…shit ain’t gone be pretty straight up,” was quickly followed up with, “Disregard all that shit I sent to you bc it’s not ur fault at the end of the day and u don’t have nothing to do with it.”

A man told authorities that whoever broke into his car stole his pair of Under Armour hiking boots and left behind a pair of “disgusting” Timberlands.

A man tried to make a fraudulent exchange at a King Street clothing retailer, but ended up exchanging his cashier’s iPhone 7 for empty space instead.

A man suspected that someone had stolen his boxers from his suitcase, so he did what any rational person would do and broke a TV before “standing in the living room yelling at the top of his lungs.”

Two counterfeit “For Motion Picture Purposes Only” $50 bills were used to steal a puppy, who cried as it was held by the neck, from a seller in West Ashley.

A driver drifted from his lane on Meeting Street and broke the driver’s side mirror of a CARTA bus.

A man admitted to an officer that it took him a while to pull over because he was trying to hide a blunt under his seat.

A student at a local high school claimed that one of his classmates slapped him across the face with a keyboard. Just a heads up, computer rage should always be directed towards the actual computer.

A man approached a woman sitting in the front of a downtown theater and called her a “pussy” before authorities found him nearby, leaning against a fence and eating a gyro.

When officers asked a man who had punched him in the face, he simply replied, “the tall man.”

Officers issued a $257 open container citation to a homeless man found with a bottle on city property. He’ll just dip into his savings and get back to you soon, CPD. 

A black digital scale — the universal symbol of “meet me outside in your car cuz I don’t want anybody to get suspicious” — tipped officers off to the possibility that a James Island man might sell weed.  

A drunk guy on King Street tried to kick down the partition of a cop car and called his arresting officer a “giant pussy.” He’s white, so he survived.

Seven people took two cars to a West Ashley electronics store and walked out with four Roombas, in what can only be described as probably the most coordinated vacuum cleaner heist to ever hit Charleston.