Threat o’ the week: “People in this country get shot for hanging up the phone on someone else! I’m coming down there to pick up that live lobster, and I’m going to shoot all of you!”

A woman was leaving an apartment complex when she heard noises coming from the floor above. A man was standing on the balcony, clad in only his boxers and with his penis fully exposed. He saw the woman look up and asked, “Do you have a problem?” As the woman marched her daughter to the car with the mother’s hands covering the girl’s eyes, the woman heard the sound of the man urinating. Somewhere, R. Kelly is nodding in approval.

Threat o’ the week: “I’m going to beat your ass and shoot you. I’m gonna get the Bloods after you.”

Reasoning o’ the week: “When I woke up this morning I knew I needed to go to the store. I said, ‘I could go to the Food Lion or Piggly Wiggly.’ I’m not going to lie, I knew I was not supposed to go back to the Piggly Wiggly, but I thought, ‘Surely the manager can’t be there all the time.’ I guess I should have gone to the other store.”

Incrimination o’ the week:A deputy stopped a man for fitting the description of a shoplifter. Before telling the man what crime he was being questioned for, the subject said, “I didn’t steal anything.”

An officer asked a West Ashley man if he was indeed the source of what the officer described as an “awful” smell. The subject replied, “Yes, but I still smell like that from last night.” The officer then noticed that the man had begun to urinate on himself, an accusation the man denied, saying, “I just sweat a lot. I just ran over here from my house.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.