Blotter o’ the Week: A man in a ski mask broke into a grocery store at night and stole 26 cartons of cigarettes … and nothing else.

A man called EMS more than 20 times in the course of six days, each time for an incident involving the drinking of alcoholic beverages. On Labor Day, when the man called complaining of liver pain, EMS cut him off, and police showed up to arrest him on a charge of public intoxication.

A would-be shoplifter attempted to steal four boxes of cigarettes from the counter and several rolls of toilet paper from the stockroom at a drug store. He was caught trying to make a getaway on a bicycle.

A man spent $200 in counterfeit bills and got away with it because the cashier failed to check their authenticity.

Police found a man lying on a cement wall in Marion Square with his legs wrapped around another man, his pants unzipped, and his penis hanging out.

Somebody stole several hundred pounds of aluminum rails and fixtures from a construction site. Here’s hoping a load of brand-new construction materials raises some eyebrows at the recycling center.

Awesome Cab Driver o’ the Week: When a taxi passenger punched the driver in an argument over a fare, the cabbie stepped out of the vehicle and flagged down a police officer. The passenger took off running, so the driver chased him down and put him in a full-nelson hold until the officer could catch up. Do you smell what the cabbie is cooking?

A bicyclist says a driver hit him on his bicycle in broad daylight and drove off without stopping. Classy.

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: A chainsaw, an iPhone, a GPS unit, a wallet, a driver’s license, a Trident Tech student ID, a debit card, a credit card, a checkbook, $70 in cash, three pipe wrenches, four crescent wrenches, three sets of pliers, a 12-inch screwdriver, an unknown quantity of other tools, and a loaded Glock .40-caliber handgun.

Booze Confession o’ the Week: Pulled over at night for riding a bicycle without proper lights, a man yelled out, “Oh Lord, I got an open container on me!” He was carrying an open 40-oz. bottle of beer.

Standing outside a bar on the market, a man took off his shirt, started shouting profanities, and tried to start a fight with someone else on the sidewalk. After being arrested on a charge of public disorderly conduct, the man blew chunks in the backseat of a police cruiser.

A man threw his cigarette butt on the sidewalk. When police caught up to him and attempted to explain that he was littering, the man cursed them out and got arrested on charges of littering, loitering, and disorderly conduct.

A woman created a disturbance on a CARTA bus by using foul language and claiming that she could go anywhere she wanted because she was white. When police walked into the bus, the woman said the other passengers were being mean because she was white.

Somebody stole a bicycle that had been chained to a tree by cutting the tree down.

Party Crasher o’ the Week: A stranger walked into a house party around 2 a.m. and sat on the couch. An hour later, when someone asked him to leave, the man took his shirt off, grabbed a purse, and put the purse inside his shirt before leaving the house.

Around 2:30 a.m., a man pulled out his penis and waved it around at a hotel security guard. The guard had reservations about this, obviously.

Tased Bro o’ the Week: A man walked up to a police officer on the sidewalk for no apparent reason and started arguing and cursing the officer out. When the man refused to show his hands and get on the ground, the officer tasered him.

Gruesome Experience o’ the Week: A woman heard voices on her front porch around 3 a.m., then she heard the sound of broken glass as people either punched or kicked their way through her front window. Arriving on the porch, she saw the broken glass and two trails of blood going in opposite directions.

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