Blotter o’ the Week: Somebody keyed the word “max” in a car’s paint. Must’ve been one Mad Max.

A police officer found a man sleeping on the sidewalk and shook his leg to wake him up. When asked why he was sleeping on the sidewalk, the man said, “I don’t know.” When asked how much he had been drinking, he replied, “Not that much.” The officer arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

Witnesses say a man walked up to a neighborhood swimming pool and threw a water bottle full of urine into it while several children were swimming.

A woman says she received a phone call from an acquaintance who told her, “I hit your car. Now you can turn it in to your insurance and have them pay for it.” With friends like these …

A dollar store employee is accused of embezzling $135.14.

After yelling obscenities and racial slurs at a state trooper, a man told police he was “just trying to lighten the mood,” according to an incident report.

Police stopped a man who was walking around in the woods and pluff mud behind a baseball stadium. The man said he was looking for baseballs. He was also wanted on a bench warrant for failure to appear in court on a disorderly conduct charge.

A man walked into a store and asked a loss prevention officer to buy some pseudoephedrine for him. When the loss prevention officer refused, the man shoplifted a bottle of whey protein and seven packs of AA batteries and tried to run out of the store into some nearby woods.

Police responded to a fast food restaurant after a witness said he saw three people fighting each other inside a pickup truck. The officer talked to the three people in the truck, and they said they were all friends and were “just joking.” The officer searched the truck and found a recently extinguished marijuana joint in one of the seats.

When a police officer stopped a man who was stumbling in the roadway and asked him for identification, the man handed him a credit card and then a gift card. The officer arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

Somebody smashed the glass on the front door of an Italian restaurant but did not appear to have stolen anything from inside.

A man was caught driving 75 mph in a 45 mph zone, in a rental car, without a driver’s license, with no seatbelt on.

Police responded to a gas station after receiving a report of a physical disturbance. A man on scene said he did not want to press charges against the guys who had beaten him up. At that point, an officer smelled marijuana, looked in a nearby trash can, and found a bag containing about 12 grams of weed. When asked if the marijuana was his, the man said, “No, man, I smoke a lot of weed, but not today.” Police let the man go and sent the marijuana to the department’s evidence room “to be destroyed.”

Somebody stole 50 tires from the rear of an auto repair shop.

A police officer stopped a man who was walking on the sidewalk carrying a cup full of yellow liquid that smelled like alcohol. When the officer asked the man what was in the cup, he replied, “Now it’s just water.” Despite the incantation, the beer did not magically turn into water.

A police officer stopped a man who was “using loud profanity and rapping” on the sidewalk, according to an incident report. The man kept going until the officer placed a hand on his shoulder, at which point the man turned around with a raised fist. The officer told him to stop, and he lowered his fist and said he was just “rapping my gangster rap songs.” The officer arrested him on a disorderly conduct charge.

A husband and wife received several phone calls one afternoon from someone who said he had a $39,000 check for them. He initially said he would mail it, but then he said he would come to their house. The wife declined the offer and hung up, but the stranger called back several times, eventually saying that he knew where the family lived. That’s when she hung up and called the police.

A man was arrested on charges of reckless driving and huffing hydrocarbons from a keyboard duster in his car.

Surveillance footage shows one man shoplifting 24 pairs of shorts from a department store all by himself.