Blotter o’ the Week: Someone stole five boxes of baseball cards valued at approximately $400 from a vehicle. No word on how much bubble gum was included in the heist.

Emergency personnel were working to free a man whose leg had become stuck in a damaged storm drain. While police were assisting the man, they received a call from another individual who said that he had fallen in the drain earlier in the day and was told by a nearby man to sue the city and “get that check,” according to an incident report.

An employee arrived at work one day and witnessed a man parking his truck between her office and the sporting goods store located next door. When she asked the man how he was doing, the stranger replied, “It’s just one of those days,” according to an incident report. The woman was later informed that a 14-foot kayak had been stolen from the store next door. A vehicle matching a description of the man’s truck was later spotted with a kayak strapped to the roof, but the driver did not pull over when officers attempted a traffic stop.

A woman believed to have thrown drugs from her car window stumbled out of her vehicle during a traffic stop. Inside the woman’s car, officers allegedly found marijuana, several glass pipes, and a grinder. After being taken into custody, the woman told police, “Do you know how many people drive around with weed in their car? You are busting me for my weed when there are more serious criminals you can bust,” according to an incident report.

A woman suspected of stealing from a convenience store was stopped by police as she walked away from the scene of the crime. During questioning, the woman changed the spelling of her name multiple times and made claims such as “I am Obama’s cousin,” “I work for North Charleston Police Department,” and “I am in the military” as she stood at attention.

A highly intoxicated man was spotted staggering home one evening. When officers went to check on the man, the cryptic linguist replied only in “unknown words,” according to an incident report.

A fight broke out between two high school students after one of the teens had allegedly been found hugging the other student’s girlfriend earlier in the day.

The owner of a salon received a call one day from the estranged husband of an employee. The man asked to speak to his wife, but was informed that she was busy at the time. The man responded to the owner by saying, “When you come between me and [my wife] and you own a business, your business is in jeopardy,” according to an incident report. The man then began to yell about religion, family, and South Korea before the call was ended. Officers were later told that the married couple had not seen each other in four years, but the husband was hoping to reunite with his wife. In an effort to accomplish that, the man has allegedly been calling to harass the woman’s family members.

An intoxicated man was apprehended downtown after he allegedly attempted to fight several random passersby. While speaking with police, the man politely informed an officer that he had just defecated on himself.

A woman told police that she witnessed another woman strike her son. According to an incident report, the mother informed an officer that “by the time I got on some clothes, cause I was going to beat her ass, the other officer held me back.” The mother also went on to declare that she would take matters into her own hands if she did not get justice, saying, she is “going to get hers” and “Imma beat her ass.”

A woman suspects that her fiancé filled her gas tank with sugar after the two got into an argument.

After purchasing several shirts and pairs of jeans from a department store, a man allegedly walked over to the shoe department and removed his sandals. The man then grabbed another pair of sandals from a store shelf, ripped off the price tag, and placed them on his feet before attempting to exit the store. The man was apprehended by store security before he could make an escape. Maybe next time he should try to steal a pair of running shoes.

A shoplifter made a hasty getaway after stealing $70 worth of tank tops and a bottle of Pepto Max.